A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, since I was a senior in high school. I have a complicated family life; my dad was mentally, physically, and sexually abusive and was kicked out of the house when I finally told my mom at age sixteen. (This had been going on since preschool age.)My mother then fell into a depression, dragging me down with her. For a while, she was really clingy and prevented me from having any trace of a social life, and then kicked me out immediately after graduation and basically forgot she had a daughter.Neither of my parents provide me with any kind of support. I'm a university student...or at least I was until it came time to foot the bill and I had no means of getting any money. Why is that? Oh yeah. My parents who have been separated for almost five years now still haven't divorced and claim me on their taxes. With a combined income of about $100,000, I'm not eligible for any financial aid aside from $1200...per year. And that's a loan, not a grant. The university I went to cost roughly $3000 for room and board and $3000 for the actual classes. I lied to get out of having to live in the dorms and save a bit of money by saying I still lived with my mom. In reality, I was living with my boyfriend in an apartment that he mostly paid for. (Pretty much entirely.)I had a decent sized savings account from the job I held in high school because I was a meticulous saver, thinking I would probably move out once out of high school, so I did and do pitch in as much as I can. My freshman year of college, I didn't hold down a job because I was dealing with depression and being overwhelmed. He told me this was perfectly okay and encouraged it.Ever since I got out of high school and started living with him, I feel completely trapped. My social life died upon graduation pretty much...not so much because of him, but my friends from high school went to different schools and depression makes it really hard to get out there and meet people. He can be so mean sometimes and so inconsiderate, but he knows that without him, I'd have nowhere to go and no money. So he thinks that he can treat me however he wants to. He'll be cross with me, but if I ever get cross back, he tells me I'm being a bitch. When we have sex, he finishes and then just lays there. He tells me that I should just do it myself because he's not good at it.I just don't know what to do because he's not all bad. He's done a lot for me and I really am appreciative, but I can't live like this. I'm constantly made to feel like shit. He acts like he does everything when all I ask him to do is mow, take out the garbage, and clean up after the dog. I cook all the meals, put away all the groceries, pick up the clothes he throws on the floor, and maintain our aquariums. It seems pretty even to me...but it's not good enough for him. We've gone from being best friends, to lovers, to complete strangers. I don't feel like he thinks I'm worth the trouble anymore, but he keeps me around so that he doesn't have to try to date again.How can I reclaim my life and feel better about myself?
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best friend, divorce, money, trapped, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, candace +, writes (2 October 2008):
Ok sweet young girl...let's chat! We have a lot in common young lady...except I am years older and have lived through a bunch of crap.
Please take into consideration what I am about to say....
A girl learns so much from a relationship with her father. Unfortunately some fathers --- well you know.
You have been depressed because your heart aches honey. If you would have been shown by your father how a lady is to be treated you would not be with this guy anyway.
Here is the hard part...You were shown all the wrong things. Now, you must find yourself, teach yourself, and love yourself. Understanding the years of abuse you endured and survived; it is going to take some time (quite a bit of time) to really heal from that damage.
If you do not allow yourself that time; You will continue with one bad relationship after another....you will be made to feel like shit over and over because you do not know how to sort out a man that really loves you from a man that uses and abuses. That is not your fault. You were not taught.
Please listen ok... abuse is a cycle. Give yourself 2 more years of NO MEN.... Just find yourself and place in this world...love yourself... heal your soul. Find Joyce Meyer on Youtube she is amazing and loving and was abused from her father for several years. Forget men... at least until your soul is full of love for yourself. Teach yourself what you deserve.
As far as the financial stuff... it will flow. It will work out. Anything is better than more abuse and more pain in your heart.
You need more counseling or you would not be in this situation.
God bless you... May God hold you in his hands and show you all the love you deserve and guide you to a full life of true meaning and true love.
Please don't continue hurting yourself and allowing abusive relationships to sink your soul even further the way I did. It is even harder to heal after years of continued crap. It won't get better until you make yourself better. Just heal those wounds baby!
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