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writes: how can i tell my girlfriend she is NOT fat or ugly? every time i tell her she's beautiful she gets mad at me because she thinks she is ugly. how can i show her she's beautiful how can i make her not think so negatively about her body? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Mishmash nailed this!
It bares repeating: "If I were you, I would tell her something along these lines: 'It really upsets me that you say these things about yourself because I really do find you attractive. It's like you don't believe me and you don't respect my opinion or my taste in women and I find that insulting...if you want to insist you're ugly, fine then, insist you're ugly to yourself, but don't share your opinon with me because I disagree with you and I find your insistance hurtful.'"
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Sing the song "Just the Way You are" by Bruno mars to her. If you cant sing then play it for her.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Give her specific compliments to specific parts of her body. I love it when my bf does this for me. I don't believe it when he just says that i'm beautiful, but when he says something like, "I love your hair, it's so soft and long." or "I love how cute you are when you scrunch up your nose."
Something like that or compliment an outfit she is wearing, especially if it's something you haven't seen her wear before like a dress or something.
Make sure that you never tear her down in anyway and even if you're joking, do not joke about your gf's weight in anyway, very touchy subject with most women. Unless you're one of the lucky few to have a personal trainer and a dietician.
GOod luck to you and it's awesome that you want to make it known to your gf that you find her gorgeous.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Try a different technique. She doesn't like it when you comment on her body. And no matter how many times you tell her by words, she wont listen, and only start to tell herself not to listen to you, not to believe in your words, that your words don't matter, and then she reminds herself just how she looks (in her mind).
So telling her appears to only have a negative effect on her as it causes this type of reaction from her. Im glad you want to help, but you should try something different than using words. Action speaks louder than words.
First off, watch out for what you say. Be careful not to say anything that is hurtful. I mean don't joke with her about her weight, or make her feel conscious about anything she wears etc. Only use positive words.
Second, do things with her that show her you care for her. Start with making her feel loved and welcomed, appreciated, and that you find who she is on the inside beautiful. Her outside (her looks) will naturally feel loved as a result. You can do this by holding her hand, bragging about her skills to your friends and family, showing that you are proud of her. Bring her with you to important events, and spend time with her having fun together.
Next step is that you look at her. Im not sure how far you've gone with touches, so perhaps leave touches out of it (except for holding hands, you should still do that). But look at her. And don't say anything, if she asks what you are looking at just say you are looking at her, or enjoy looking at her, or just smile. Don't tell her she is beautiful, just enjoy the view. Show her that you look at her because YOU enjoy what you see. If you press a description on her, such as "you are beautiful" or "pretty" or anything like that she will start with judging herself again, to what her standards of beautiful and pretty is.
Tell her your standards. Tell her what you find pretty, or beautiful. Once she's gotten accustomed to you looking at her for no other reason than enjoying to look at her, you can start with telling her exactly what it is you enjoy looking at. Again, avoid words that are vague or too general such as "beautiful" or "pretty" or "cute". Instead, tell her "I think it's cute when you do that" or "It's beautiful the way your eyes look in the light" or give her compliments on other things than her physical looks, such as "you look happy today" or "your smile warms my heart" etc. Say something that feels natural though, not something forced or fake. Keep it real!
And remember it will be a long process. Your goal is not to convince her that she's not ugly. Your goal is to convince her that to YOU, she is the most beautiful person in the world. If you can convince her of that then what the rest of the world might think of her will become less important. And with that her self esteem will grow, and with that again she will start to love herself. But she alone can change how she feels about herself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): You can't. And in all honesty, it's not your job to convince her. She probably insists she's ugly because she wants the continual reassurance that she's attractive.If I were you, I would tell her something along these lines: "It really upsets me that you say these things about yourself because I really do find you attractive. It's like you don't believe me and you don't respect my opinion or my taste in women and I find that insulting...if you want to insist you're ugly, fine then, insist you're ugly to yourself, but don't share your opinon with me because I disagree with you and I find your insistance hurtful."Alternately, you can tell her something along the lines of: "Look, I already find you attractive and I've told you and I still believe it, but your attitude and lack of confidence is really ugly."This may all sound harsh, but you are doing her a favor in the long run by saying it.Women who consistently deprecate themselves with men are no better then women who over-estimate their beauty. It's the same sort of narcississm, just the inverse. You can't convince her, but you can tell her why her attitude is selfish, and ruining the relationship.
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