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female
,
anonymous
writes: my husband and i are having marrige problems, we moved away to be with family we have no jobs,no money and are always arguing. he has said that if i dont stop moaning he is leaving.I have been trying to find work but its hard either im to qualified or the money is low.i love my husband and want my marriage to survive but i am so low in mood and i wish i had never moved to be by the family.what can i do to put the romance back into my marriage?
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female
reader, sleepysly +, writes (11 October 2006):
 i dont understand why your moaning, you decide to move and now youve moved, make the most of things and each other, theres no point dwelling on things that have already happened hold him in your arms say your sorry and tell him how much you love him,talk about how you have been feeling hopefully he will listen and understand,taking a job with a drop in pay can only incourage you to move onwards and upwards in the job ladder,your husband might not like the changes and is saying nothing about it.cheer up and make the best out of what youve got...........................
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (8 October 2006):
 Try, instead of "moaning", as he puts it, approach problems by putting them in a different way, i.e., instead of saying confrontational things such as "You always..", "You should/nt.."; or "You still have'nt.." Say: "I'm having trouble with dealing with..", "We need to.."; or "Can we do something about.." Ask for his opinion on problems, and appeal to his better nature..
Also try to deal with problems perhaps only once a week/month, and not every time you speak to him. Make him look forward to talking to you by ensuring you start each day by finding something nice to say to him, and not by mentioning a problem.
Smile at him - hey, you may just get one back!!
How about registering with an agency and doing some temporary work for now, surely better than just staying at home getting on one another's nerves.
You will have something new to talk about, as you will be offered new assignments, and you will at least have a bit of money coming in. Also it will look better on your CV if you can show that you have been keeping yourself in employment.
You could also do some voluntary work - personally, I did some work with 'horse riding for the handicapped', and found that all my problems seemed so minor in comparison to those of other people, for instance, small children who lived their lives in wheelchairs, and the looks on their little faces as they sat high up on the back of a horse, and being in control of something for once in their life..
Enough to lift anyone out of the doldrums!
Your husband will see you in a new light, you will have more confidence, and you can take it from there.
As for romance, it is always nice to leave little notes in unexpected places, like on his pillow or somewhere, telling him you love him; and cook him his favourite meal with candles, little things which show you are thinking of him. Touch him,tease him - maybe mess his hair up playfully, and compliment him - men love that too..and it costs nothing!
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