A
female
age
51-59,
*arita121
writes:My brother finally made me cried after two weeks of breaking up with my alcoholic boyfriend when he told i was fool for putting up with a loser.When am I going to learn to stop picking these losers? Therefore all efforts I made to stay strong were flush down the toilet. That hurt so bad that I wanted to die (but would not since I am raising two boys who need me).I felt so used by him, so angry at him, I am also angry at me for allowing this man to confuse my self worth. How do i pick up the pieces and heal myself?
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (1 March 2009):
 It sounds like you have been abused for so long that you have lost a lot of of your self worth so much that you did not recognize a "loser" when you see one. Or, that you have a tendency to want to "mother" these "babies" and you secretly felt that maybe you can change their bad behaviour.
Your brother maybe lacked the finesse of telling you to be more respectful of yourself, but at least he got you to wake up and smell the roses. In a way, you need to thank him for that. But tell him, next time, to be more supportive of you when you are healing yourself.
I personally feel that one way to "look up" when you are "down" is to look around you and "count your blessings". In your case, to look at people less fortunate than you. If you wanted to know "where you have been", I suggest you go and volunteer at shelters for abused women and children. In addition to helping others, you will also learn how to "detect" abusive behaviour before you get too attached to the person you were interested in.
Helping others is also a good way to heal yourself. You can also take some night classes on topics that would be of interest to you.
Good luck, and stay off men that reduce your self worth. You are a strong person, and you can do this!
Cat
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