A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Today, i was holding my cousin. He's only 6 months old, and the cutest, most smilely baby ever. And all i could think of was how terrified i was for him. I'm so scared he'll get bullied or something, and may become suicidal. I don't want him to ever feel pain. I wish i could just protect him from everyone. I love him so much and I would be completely heartbroken if anything ever happened to him. I got to thinking, and all of a sudden i was terrified for every one of my cousins, ranging in age from 4 to 11. I don't want them to ever feel that way. And then for my future children..why do we even send kids to school? We know they'll get tortured. Kids are mean. And i don't ever want any child to ever go though such pain. Anyway, i'm so emotional right now and i need some advice. How can i control this fear? Is there any way i could prevent them from ever feeling that way?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): Fear and worry change nothing, and in fact slow us down and paralyze us just as much as rushing through any series of physical movements.
All you can do is try to lead or teach your cousins as best as you can when you are around them, and teach them by example and repeated help. Encouraging them to go into self defence lessons of some sort as they grow up will build their confidence and abilities, as well. All too often, the wisdom and luck of loved ones is greatly under estimated.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): Dont worry. How you feel is perfectly normal. You just had a big blast of maternal feelings because you held a baby. You are growing up and becoming more aware of life and wanting to protect it. Mothers all have that feeling. Thats why in nature, protective mothers are the fiercest thing you will ever encounter!
All you can do is to try and be around for your cousins and help them to grow and flourish. But try not to dwell too much on negative things because most people have good school lives and arent bullied or made to feel unhappy.
If you find you are dwelling too much on negative things and the whole world seems threatening and bleak. It might be a good idea to visit your doctor for a chat because sometimes those feelings can get out of hand and be a sign of depression x
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (18 June 2012):
It’s normal to worry about those you love the most, even about things that might happen to them years ahead. However, I’m concerned that the extent of your fear is unhealthy and so I’d recommend that you follow the advice of IAmHeretoHelpYou and seek some help for this. I have a feeling that some of this fear comes from your own experiences. Have you experienced the things that you want to protect them from so desperately? School is not a place where kids get tortured. Some children are the victim of bullies but this is by no means true for all children, and a good school will have an anti-bullying policy. It’s certainly not something you should be terrified of at this stage.
It’s doubtful that you’ll ever completely stop worrying, because these are people you care deeply for. What you will need to learn to do, however, is control the fear. I’m afraid there’s no way that you can completely shelter them from bad things happening to them, the world is too cruel a place, and when they go to school, and when they grow up, you can’t control their lives. All families can do is create a loving environment to bring children up in, teach them right from wrong, and make sure they do all they can to let the children know that they have allies that’ll help them if they’re ever in trouble. Who knows what will happen in years to come? No-one, that’s why it’s pointless to worry so much about it. Just play your part in making sure those children are well prepared for life’s challenges and hardships.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Pretty and proud +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Hi,
Had the same issue with my nephew. All people are different and come from different backgrounds. All told different things by parents etc.
All you can do for all of your cousins is be a role model and teach them the right things to do. Teach them to be kind and friendly and to tell an adult if they are getting bullied (after all I'm sure you wouldn't want them being the bully) as they grow, tell them about people being different in every way and they should try to be friends with everyone.
Bullying is one of the worst things in the world, but I think as people are merging into society (gay, straight, hetro, metro, black, white, foriegn etc) that bullying has dramatically decreased.
Hope this helps
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 June 2012):
I think it's pretty normal. I see my niece and nephews, ages 4 and 5, they're just so darn cute and loveable you can't imagine anyone wanting to be mean to them or want to hurt their feelings. But I've had the same thoughts, they're just so sweet and innocent, the thought of anyone causing them any harm is almost unthinkable and you would want to punish anyone that did so.
Anyhow, going through pain and suffering is life. There's good times and bad times. No one can be perfectly happy all the time. Kids are going to be mean and make fun of each other. It's the way some kids are--some are bratty or come from homes where their parents don't bother with them so they act out. If anything, it builds a person's character. We've all had to go through being made fun of or having our feelings hurt. I think back now and it's kind of funny, at the time it wasn't fun and even went home crying, but it really was trivial stuff that as an adult, if anyone said what some kid said to you now, you'd laugh at them and walk away.
Don't worry about it, it's a part of life and there's nothing you can do to prevent them from ever feeling sadness or a bruised ego. Just be their dear, sweet cousin who will always be there for them no matter what.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): Unfortunately for all of us, suffering is part of the nature of human life. All humans endure some forms of suffering throughout their lives. Even people who have lots of money, or fame, or who look so happy on the outside, all have some forms of suffering. We don't just suffer physical suffering such as disease, injury, and the infirmary of old age. We suffer from the loss of the things we are attached to, the people we love who come in and out of our lives, and internal mental anguish of various kinds. I am sure even though you are young, you have your own experience of suffering and hardship from time to time.
There is good news though. Firstly, its important to remember that life is not just made up of suffering. In fact, there is the possibility to experience happiness and joy in any given moment, to see beauty in life, to find peace, to be fully aware of the present moment of our lives rather than mourning something that has passed or fearing something in the future.
More importantly though, your experience of life is not so much determined by your suffering, but how you react to an experience of suffering. If you can accept suffering that comes your way, and accept that it is part of life, and mourn or cry or shout or do whatever you need to express in your moment of suffering, and then move on back into the open possibility of the present moment, you will find you can deal with suffering in a composed and balanced way that allows you to still be who you are and true to yourself, and connected to all of life. If you can do that, your suffering will not be so bad, whatever it is.
For example, you say that kids are mean. Maybe you go to school and one of the kids is mean to you, lets say they insult you or make fun of a mistake you make. You might feel your anger rise up, and hate them. You might feel hurt and sad. You might feel like taking revenge. Or it might make you feel worthless. Different people react differently. There is another way to see it also. You could realise that just because they are saying something mean to you, doesn't make it true. Rather than feeling angry, you could feel sad for them that they are such a mean person, and you could want for them to be happier. Rather than feeling worthless, you could realise that you dont agree with them, and that they can have their mean opinion but it doesn't make it true, that you are capable in ways they don't know. You could be curious as to why they are so mean, what kind of suffering have they had to have to make them the kind of person who wants to try and make you suffer. Rather than responding with your own words which might cause them suffering, maybe you can find a way to stop the cycle of suffering, by learning how to forgive and understand other people when they are not treating you or others the way they should.
Its ok if you feel angry or upset or hurt too, its natural and part of life, I am not saying you should not be free to experience your real feelings and tell others how you feel. That's very important. I am just suggesting to you that there is another side, and that a balanced outlook on life is a way for you to respond intelligently and honestly to life, and to help prevent suffering to you and people around you.
Good luck
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