A
male
age
41-50,
*oolguy
writes:Women not returning calls.I would like some advice on what do when a lady promises to call even though she knows she won't call. I have a friend who is a girl. Whenever she has an academic need she bombards my phone with calls. In fact one day i had about 11 missed calls from her. However, this is only when she needs some help with an assignment.some days ago, i met her at a party after she promised to call me on the phone. When i met her i acted like it didnt matter but told her i had been expecting her call as she said. She gave some cock and bull excuse that i cant really remember. She said she would like us to meet after the party. She then went on to talk to other guests. I left her and was talking to some other ladies. She later walked up to me and said that she needed to leave but said 'i promise i will call you today when i get home'. The moment the words came out of her lips, i knew she was not going to call. 2 days later, there is no call. In the past, i would have called to see if she is alright, but she now has the habit of seeing a missed call and not returning it. This then makes me more irritated and worried about if she is alrightMy problem is not really how to get her to call me back as i know it is impossible or even unsustainable.People with such characters tend to repeat the same behaviour over and over again. How do i not get irritated and distracted from the work i am supposed to be doing and start thinking about some funny lady who does not keep to her word. I have had other ladies who dont mean much to me make such promises. I dont even remember that they say they are going to call. Some days after they make the promise the call me saying 'why didnt you call me' and i say 'you promised to call. So,i was waiting for your call'. It appears that i get more calls from ladies that i dont really care about. How do i respond to this kind of situation and not be irritated. I dont know why i get this kind of irritation now. This kind of thing might have happened in the past with other people and i didnt notice. If i do call her and she doesnt pick up the phone or call back, i'll feel really desperate. Why is it that its ok for women to call a guy 11 times in a day, but when a guy does it, it seems desperate? Someone give some good advice. I believe the best thing is to wait and let her keep her promise if she wants to. Cheers,Coolguy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Coolguy +, writes (7 November 2009):
Coolguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha's technique on using the rubber band really worked. I had to find one from work. The first few days it was difficult not calling to find out how she's doing. There's no point. I guess i'll simply ignore her and behave as if i didn't notice that she didn't call when next we meet. The important thing i've learnt is that she'll not be one of my friends in the new year.
cheers,
CG
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 I think the message is that she's not really interested. But, if she ever sleeps with you one night when she's drunk, say you'll call her tomorrow. Then just don't.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (4 November 2009):
 Forget her....she's just not that into you...and do you want luke warm relationships? There's a user born every minute...Lose her and meet someone who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Mate dating is a game.She is toying with you.Ignore her.She will call you back.Show her that guys can be cool too.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 When a woman calls 11 times, she is as much a nuisance as would be a man. You pointed out you get more calls from women you do not have as much invested in, or care a bit less about. You are probably giving off a more nonchalant vibe? If so, that can be attractive (as long as it is not cold or rude).
I would add to Tisha-1's advice by saying this girl is also a USER. She is self-absorbed and isn't interested in respecting you by honouring her word to you. She IS VERY capable of speaking to you when she wants something, but isn't bothered with you when she doesn't.... She doesn’t care about what you want – it’s what she wants that matters. That does not make for a good friend.
Something I would strongly recommend you consider to help alleviate your frustration, is to STOP calling her altogether. If you don't call, she can't ignore your calls and you won't be frustrated. Re-categorize her from "friend" to "acquaintance", and if she is so inclined, she can chase you for a while.
I doubt she'll be any kind of loss to you if you find you drift from her and become closer to others.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 She sounds like a selfish person to me. Why would you be interested in a self-centered energy vampire?
Let it slide and just ignore her, is my advice. You can't change her behavior (obviously); you can only change your reaction to her. If you want to waste energy being irritated, that's your perogative, but since you have her figured out, why waste the psychic energy?
She is who she is and she does what she does because she can get away with it. When she pops up in your thoughts, imagine she's a duck in a carnival shooting-gallery and blow her away with that little toy gun thing. Wear a rubber band (elastic band) around your wrist, and when she appears in your thoughts, THWAP the band so it stings a bit. Enough of that and you won't want to think about her any more.
Good luck!
...............................
|
