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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a strange tale and a question that I wish could be answered. I met a young man at work who first pursued me with friendship and flirting. Within the two months that we saw each other about every day we developed a strong attachment, and there was physical attraction. Did I mention that he is more than 15 years younger than I am. He left the job and I contacted him because I wanted to say goodbye and possible offer my help to find a new job in sales. We ended up going out together twice and on the second occassion he asked me to go to bed with him. The sex was great and we already had an emotional conncection. He asked me what I visualized for "us". Does that sound like he may have been interested in a relationship? I sort of put him off with the do you want kids question, he does, I am too old to start. The very next week he called a girl that he had known over a period of six years but had never dated, and they immediately began a steady relationship, he even brought her to a happy hour where I was a week and a half after sleeping with me. He claims it was not to make me jealous, but when I arrived at the bar he suggested I come sit with him after getting my drink, but never telling me that he was with someone. When he saw me approaching he was all over her. I got pretty angry at first and left within minutes, called him the next morning and he returned my call leaving a message "hey girl I saw you called"...I ended up after a couple of weeks of talking on the phone calling him and sort of telling him it was alright that he not call me, that look what I did for him, one night with me and he was in a serious relationship. Within 2 weeks of that or 1 month and 2 weesks of dating, he an this girl got engaged and he moved into her apartment. I have an item that is valued at $600 of his that he has never called to pick up...I have had it for 4 months the entire time he has been with this girl, and he won't return my calls or come get his property. Did I mention he has a problem with cocaine and so does she, and I am very concerned about that now that they are together I am constantly thinking about how I can get him to call so I can talk to him and try to get him sone help for his drug dependency, which I know started over 6 years ago, in fact this girl used to be in his gang in highschool that revolved around drugs. Any suggestions about how I can help him. Why don't you think he will see me if we are to be just friends? Is it the drugs, the fact that he is with a woman who would think he is cheating if he came to get his stuff? He hates me now?
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at work, drugs, engaged, flirt, jealous, moved in, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (27 September 2006):
 I would walk away from the situation and feel lucky to be out of it all, you need to stop contacting him and if he wants his property he knows where it is and can contact you and arrange to come get it.
You can only help someone that wants your help and so far it looks like he doesn't, I'm sure he knows your there if he needs you but for now you need to get on with your own life.
Good luck :o)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): Please, read again what uonlyliveonce has said! This man just used you, had a one-night fling, but you are emotionally involved with him - far too much so. He doesn't care; only cares about cocaine and this new girl he's with.
Wash your hands of it. You can't help, unless he wants to be helped. Really, you are concerned, which is nice, but its not up to you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): I am a recovering addict myself. It is nice that you want to help, but the truth of it is that you can't help unless he wants to be helped. He has to be ready and willing to stop. Only he can change his life. If he calls you saying that he needs help, then be there for him.
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A
female
reader, uonlyliveonce  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 to be honest i think you should just walk away and let them get on with it. your getting way too involved with someone who seems to only want you for sex.
i once helped my cousin who had a drug problem and believe me its not easy and you CANT help them stop unless they want to stop its his problem and until he realises he needs help theres nothing yoou can do, its a long road quitting drugs and your not close enough to him to help him, your also to emotionally attached to him and to help someone out with drugs sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind you have to see them get hurt for there own good.
he's immature and clearly doesnt care about you or he wouldnt be doing the things he is with that girl.
it isnt your problem, he doesnt want help with hi addiction s you cant give it to him he would just resent you even more for trying
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