A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently posted a question...I just broke up with my boyfriend about four days ago. We had been dating for a year and a half with a brief break up period around 8 months. Everything was great at first and I thought that I might actually spend the rest of my life with him. But after that 8th month everything was different. It was like a fairy tale had ended and all of a sudden, "oh wow, this might actually not last." For a long while now I've found myself becoming more easily irritated with him; we're just so different. I even felt that if he were to end I'd be perfectly okay. We've had our problems before but we could always work them out and then I stopped communicating with him until things got progressively worse and I broke up with him. He's begging me for a second chance, saying he'll change. That it's not fair that I told him after we broke up what was wrong and then won't give him a shot at fixing it. I know it's incredibly selfish of me, but not only do I not want to hurt him again, I can't spend the rest of my life wondering what else might be out there. He came to my dorm tonight begging me but I told him that I didn't want a relationship right now. I've really hurt him and after this, even if I change my mind, I can't go back. It would be wrong of me to do that to him. Am I wrong in feeling this way? In wanting to see what's out there before I settle down? It's only my first year of college and we only broke up 4 days ago and no matter how many times I tell him he won't stop begging for another chance. Help!Here's an update...It's been a few weeks. We've continued to talk almost every day. He's incredibly depressed over the breakup and I'm so concerned about his health and well-being. He isn't sleeping or eating and the doctor says that he's suffering from malnutrition. I also had to make a deal with him that I'd continue to be his friend if he wouldn't take extreme measures in ending the emotional pain. Part of me wants him in my life. Honestly he probably is my best friend and I enjoy his company. Sometimes I even miss him. At the same time I find myself wanting to see other people. How can I do this and hang out with my ex at the same time? Not only is that just plain selfish, but it would just hurt him more. Should I end all contact with him? Which would be the greater risk? I honestly wouldn't trust him to be alone if I broke off contact and I definately don't want to receive a phone call with that bad news...I still care about him even if I don't want to be with him and I wouldn't want him to hurt himself in any way.He still says I'm being selfish. That it's wrong not to give him a second chance. But if I do I know it'll just end up the same way with him getting hurt even more. He says it's selfish to give up something so good in HOPES that there's something better out there. I'm only 19. I don't want to settle down yet. I want to go out and flirt, see other people...should I risk losing possibly the closest person in my life for a bit of fun?I've made some new friends, the majority of them guys. I've told him that I'm not in the slightest bit attracted to them yet the thought of them makes him sick to his stomach. He tells me that he keeps picturing me with other guys and he can't stand it. How can I see other guys knowing I'm doing this to him?
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male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (9 March 2009):
 I am the guy in the same situation as your ex right now. I would still recomend you move on, break all contact with him.
You are not responsible for his well being. That is his way of controlling you, trying to get you back. He is depressed because his own life is not in order, you are not responsible for his happiness, only your own.
He is unhealthy for you and even you said it yourself, you cant go back now. The truth is, you just arent that into him anymore. You must break contact, for at least two months, otherwise he will hold out hope for you which will continue to keep him in this depressed stage. Only when he thinks there is no hope will he begin to heal himself. He will be a stronger person in the end, I promise you that. This will be a good learning experience for the both of you.
Obviously if he threatens to kill himself, dont talk to him...you cant do anything. Call 911 or his mother.
Good luck
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