A
female
age
51-59,
*oonabear
writes:Hi there,Please help. I have recently split up with my boyfriend and went travelling to Africa for 3 weeks, on my second day i met a great man and we fell in love, unfortunatly he has a partner and two children which he would leave for me. We spent most of the 3 weeks together. Our chemistry was great and when it was time to fly home I didnt want to, but i had to. Now I am back in England and I miss him sooo much. He says he feels the same and misses me. I can't concentrate on work or anything because I miss him so much my heart hurts. He doesnt want to live in England, I would love to live in Africa to be with him, but I think it would be unrealistic. Every day i try not to send him a text to say how much I am missing him but I cant help myself. How can I move on from this?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 I think time and distance will end this relationship pretty quick. He probably cheats on his partner all the time, you were just another fling. Other than pure lust, you can't truly love another person in three weeks time. Next time you are attracted to someone make sure they are single, why purposely hurt innocent people?
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 Your question is, how you move on. So, you have made a decision not to have a relationship with this man.
I wonder what he tells you when you text him. From what you wrote here, I assume he says he wants to be with you. So, a good way to move on would be to tell him that you find the relationship unrealistic, and that you'll stop contact with him until you can move on. There is love here, but there is reality, too, and you'll go on your separate ways in civil and caring terms.
That's about how to move on. But, I think we should analyze the situation for you to feel sure about what to do. Whatever I will say here are speculations based on a small text you wrote; I may be wrong, but, I think these reflections might help.
First, you had just split with your boyfriend when you traveled to Africa. Were you really over your boyfriend? Apparently, you were. I wonder if you fell to this man because you were in need of affection at the moment. I'm not sure if you fell for each other in the course of three weeks, or it was love at first sight. I was in a similar situation and I know that this sort of intense contact with someone is very appealing and very touching. As in the movies, you know: a few days of intense involvement are worth months of traditional contact. But, all the same, you need to think things through.
Second, he has a partner and children. He says he would leave them for you. If I were you, I would inquire about this. Leaving a partner and children is a very important decision. Did he come to it after three weeks only? Or, were there problems in the relationship already, and he just needed a good person to get the courage to leave her partner? This is important, because there are children involved. If you manage to have a relationship with this man, this is an issue you just will not be able to overlook.
Why would he not go to England? How could you do for a living in Africa?
I hope this gives you a frame of reference to think about your situation.
I know how you feel, and my heart is with you. I hope my own confusion and problems in a similar situation can help you.
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