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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I can't stop crying... I HAD to break up with my boyfriend.He's just so judgemental of my past. He always kept going and going about how awful everything I did before was; that I had a mildly sexual fwb with a guy he knew, that I had a crush on a much older guy (like 6 years older), that I kissed 2 strangers at two different parties... all of this happened before even being with him.I was immature and young... I realize some of the things I did were not good, but I was young and we all make mistakes. He always had that against me because all the girls he was with were girls of his gae, and girls he had known for years, etc.No matter how sorry I was, or how much I regretted all that it wasn't enough. I feel that I DEVOTED myself to him, and it wasn't enough. He just kept judging me from my past as if it defined me, because he said if I did those things then it said a lot about my personality.But I love him so much... he had been going on about this for almost a year, always digging up more details about everything he wanted honesty I gave it to him. I gave him my virginity. I gave him my love. He was sweet with me most of the time, but when the topic came up he told me really bad stuff and made me feel very down on myself. This sucks... I feel awful about myself, that if I had thought more of the consequences of the things I did at that time this wouldn't have happened. And what happens if everyone judges me from now on?My family doesn't know about most of the stuff I did with other guys. So I can't really tell them everything. I feel lost.I didn't do anything evil to him, I never hurt him intentionally and everything he judged me on was from my past, some stuff happened year before meeting him! What did I do to deserve this?I feel like I can't move on. I know it's only been like an hour or so, but still it hurts so much because I love him with my soul, but no matter how much good I did to him, the fact that he sees me as a horny sl*t will always weigh more... at least that's how I see it so I was FORCED to break up practically. I would've tried, but I feel as if he just can't take that i had a past. However, none of these thoughts comfort me, they make me feel worse. He always asked me to be patient because he wanted to make us work, but he kept being hung up on this. And he got mad because he heard me crying on the phone after he told me I was a horny sl*t.I feel so lost, and feel so down on myself. He was just made for me, I mean obviously not, but everything between us was perfect except for this (we shared the same sense of humour, hobbies, interests, talents, views, etc). I don't know what I did to deserve this! It's so unfair. One year and a half of hopes and love wasted... this is my first boyfriend, I don't know how to move on and feel better about myself.I think I should feel free and released, and that I should hate him for having treated me like this for so long. I feel as if by now, I should already be fed up with him and have stopped loving him altogether for judging me so much over my past. But I don't... I love him more than ever, and I wasn't fed up, I would give him another chance if I could... but my rationale says that this relationship doesn't have a future, and that no matter how much I love him and want to be with him I shouldn't.I feel so down... my self esteem is down. I don't feel good after breaking up with him, it sucks! Especially since he got mad that I was sad and crying...How can I move on from this, it hurts so much and I can't stop crying!!!! And I have no friends... but I did nothing to deserve this pain, why me?? I'm desperate!!! I was a good grilfriend, why did this happen to me? Why wasn't my love enough? he kept telling me he wanted to marry me and that I was his first love and that he wanted to change for me to make things work, but he never did... this is too painful for a first break up...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): sweetheart don't you ever shade a tear. I am a lady like you and everything you just said has happened to me exactly. Now I know boys do this intentionally, I ahared it with my elder sister and she said I did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG and so did you, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL AND AGREAT GIRL!! Listen to me, take your education very seriously that's the most important thing, forget about men, men will always bring you pain. If at all you will want to marry in future make sure you get to know the person well, avoid sleeping with the person, I mean having sex,that's usually the way men use to take control of women, THE IDIOTS, as for me I will never get married cos no man is worth it, there will always be problems in marriage, I mean look at it, you marry him, then change your name and have kids for him and then he will then one day have the guts to say depressing horrible words to you, can you imagine that! the IDIOTS!!! Just be happy and always remember that whatever you are going through you are not alone, don't hide things from your mum and fanmily cos only them will tell you the truth. And don't trust men especially, they say things to get you and after they sleep with you they are tired or they marry you to have kids, their kids thats all. dear be happy and always carry yourself with pride, you are one in a milliion, I love you. Tkae care, I hate to see women hurt
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 He was no more in love with you and was mentally and emotionally abusing you.
He is mistreating you and you still love him.It is very sad.By staying ,you lose your self esteem, emotionally exhausted and more to lose than gain.
Don't blame yourself. You cannot change the past.You should value your own self and your life matters to you.
Start a new life without him.Do not have any remorse or regrets.
Stand on your own two feet and take back control over your own life.
Falling in love and breaking up is part of life.You will get over it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): OH HUNNY
Stop right there you did nothing wrong nothing do you hear me, I want you to listen to me, Its him thats got the problem not you he made it appear you had a problem and turned it around so you belived you did wrong when you did nothing wrong, You could talk to your mum im a mum and Id listen if you were my daughter it matters not what you have done with other men you dont need to go into great detail just talk with your mum about how he has treated you sweetheart, This is abuse even though he didnt hit you he has mentally hurt you and made you think you have done all these things wrong when you havent done a bloody thing wrong..How can you be a slut if you gave your virginity to him? Silly bastard im sorry but your hurting and its him thats done this as he is the weak one the insecure one and he has put all this on to you and made you feel terrible im sending you a link to help your self esteem and I suggest you see your doctor for some support and you have to stop blaming yourself...YES YOU WERE A GREAT GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OK HE WAS A ARSEHOLE! You still love him because he has a power over you.. You need to get strong and dont let this get you down or beat you if you need to chat im here ive been with someone who tryed this crap it wont work with me, STOP YOUR CRYING! Its what he has done you are worth so much more than this and you are well rid of him sweetheart belive me
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
Now you go and ask your mum for a hug and you dont be scared you have done nothing wrong, Id give you a big hug if I could bless you sweetheart this has brought tears to my eyes, dont you let anyone put you down in life like this ok YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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