A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a small problem that I need some help with. I've been married 23 years to a good man. We have a good marriage. He has always had a stronger sex drive than I do. He's not asking for sex every night but he says he finds our sex life to be "mundane or routine". He's asking me to spice things up a little in the bedroom. I tell him I'm an average woman and he's got nothing to complain about.For some reason this bothers me and I'm not really interested or motivated to try. He brings it up from time to time and I tell him I'll come up with something. The truth is I never really do. This leads him to ask again after some time goes by. This is frustrating to me as I don't really see a need to make any changes. He's not asking for weird stuff either, just more of an effort or though from my side.Any ideas or comments would be appreciated. This is becoming a bigger problem as time goes by.
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male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (24 July 2007):
I know this is going to sound a little frank but I want you to consider it. If you genuinely feel that sex is not important to you would it bother you that much if your husband was to go somewhere else to fulfill what he isn't getting at home? Via a mistress or a prostitute so to say?If your answer to this is yes I would concern you then obviously sex is important.Why not try showing more affection, like cuddling, holding hands, telling each other you love each other. Trying non penetrative sex, massaging each other, making the effort for each other in appearance, bathing each other. Telling him exactly what you like - him telling you what he likes being it sexual and non sexual. I have a feeling here that things should improve drastically for the both of you if you open up more and talk more to each other.
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Would you not consider going to see a sex therapist?, i know sex is not the be all and end all of a marriage but it's a big part and it might be nice for both of you if you could change that aspect of your marriage.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): How do you know you're an average woman? What is normal?If he wants more, he wants more, or in other words he doesn't think he's getting enough! Why not surprise him and jump on his bones a few times when he's least expecting it. Initiate sex - don't wait for him to do it. Act rampant and fake orgasms if necessary - he probably won't know unless your pu**y normally grips him in the throes of passion.He'll probably think Christmas has come early. Keep him happy in this department, it's very important for a man to think he's the best there is. It's a lot less trouble than a divorce!Phil
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): I'm the original poster of the question. It's not that I don't like sex, I'm just not as interested as he is. I never really have been. I guess I was a little more interested in the early days of our relationship. It wouldn't matter to me if we had sex once a week or twice a month. It really doesn't cross my mind that much. He says it will take extra effort on my part to put myself in the right frame of mind. I say he should not make a big deal out of it and relax.
He says he doesn't know what he's supposed to do about it and has no where else to turn. He just can't understand that I'm not as into it as he is. It also kind of turns me off when he brings up the topic. He says he's getting to the point where he'll never mention it again. He said it's been going on for so long that if I ever did decide to make a serious effort that I'd only be doing it because he forced the issue. He says if I'm not trying because it's a genuine effort on my part, he'd rather I didn't at all. He says he'd rather not have sex than to have sex with someone who didn't want to be there.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (24 July 2007):
Why are you not interested any more? i think you need to address this issue before anyone can give you any advice as to sort it out.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Go get some sexy lingerie not only will he be pleased, you get to wear it. Pick out something that flatters you and that you can have fun wearing. Win win scenario!
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