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How can I meet nice, caring friends?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 January 2010)
A age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am having concerns with some friends of mine. My one friend only talks about herself. She never asks how I am or has any interest in my life. I sent her an e-mail saying Happy New Year and said I hope she was well. The return message was her ranting about some guy she liked. My other friends have noticed this when they talk to her too. When they were talking about grad school, in which my friend didn't get accepted, she just started talking about how pretty her hair looked. Now all she does is brag about how all these guys like her. I feel like her shrink instead of her friend!

My other friend got mad at me because I couldn't meet with her during the holidays- the one time I couldn't be there. I apologized to her via e-mail and voice mail. Well, one week later she finally writes back "Thank you for understanding." That was it!

I know I'm not a perfect person, but I do not deserve this! I have known them for about 10 years and I know that shouldn't be a factor in maintaining a friendship. I am just sick and tired of one-sided friendships and being used/abused by these girls. But why do I feel so guilty about cutting off ties with them? I am hesitant about meeting new people- it takes a long time for me to be able to trust someone.

I always feel like I'm not good enough or they're smarter than me and I feel stupid. But how can I overcome all of this and meet nice, caring friends?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2010):

Find a hobby you enjoy that includes other people, do that hobby. You'll have something in common with others, then you can get to know them more. You sound like a lovely woman, so don't go giving up. And have more confidence in yourself too. If these friends are all coming to you when they feel bad, then they're not smarter and you're not stupid.

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (13 January 2010):

RAINORFIRE agony aunti dont kno join dearcupid i will be your friend, maybe you should tell theese girls how you feel.

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