A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How can I marry my fiance when he constantly ogles other women? he swears I am ALL he wants and needs...I do not feel that way because despite all his promises to stop this disrespectful act it continues...time after time!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): If a man is ogling women right in front of you then you need to ask yourself, what is he doing when you are not around?
To me it's a sign of other deviant behavior that I don't care to stick around to find out about.
Which leads me to ask what dirty little secrets do they have on their computers, in their e-mails, cell phones and on their cameras?
I've read responses on sites on this subject, how the women are treated like queens at home without the distractions until they step out into public together and then they are all but invisible. An intereting point to take into consideration and it makes me wonder why men are like that.
Men are pigs, period.
All this talk, that it is their nature, that at least he is coming home with me is garbage. It's just a cover.
The ogling is disrepectful and it makes you, me and every other woman that a man is doing this to while with her look like a fool.
It makes the men look like perverts and dirty old men and us feeling sorry for the woman that is with a man like that.
It will only get worse, much worse as we age and have kids and our bodies won't be what they use to be and then they will be staring at the young things out there.
What is the difference really since they are already staring now?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): A leopard won't change his spots as I am well finding out.
I told my fiance that unless he gets his eyes under control that I was not going to marry him. He may be having his "fun" while we are out in public but I end up being miserable. I won't even go into how many vacations together have been ruined by his gawking.
Why should I have to put up with that behavior in public.
He apologized and said that I should pinch him if I see him looking--like that will stop him. The day after our conversation he was right back at it looking at women. It's like the conversation never occurred.
We rarely go out anymore or I find excuses. He runs his errands alone, goes to stores alone. We dine in and not at restaurants. We watch movies at home and not in public. It's pathetic really. We might as well be living separate lives.
I'm tired of trying to figure out this behavior. Something I shouldn't have to deal with at all.
If I have to be single, which is not a bad thought, I'd rather have that then be angry, upset and miserable all the time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 May 2012):
 Well what you describe is a bit different than what I was thinking… My partner would not do that in the car as it’s not safe. Tell him you will meet him at the locations you are going together. Do not get into a car with him if you do not feel safe and tell him why. “I won’t ride with you as long as you put me in danger by not watching the road when you drive”. You could offer to drive so he could ogle these women safely. (In a most sarcastic way).
So you say you won’t marry him unless his behavior changes… how do you propose to get him to change his behavior and how long will you have him prove it before you will agree to marry him. I doubt he will stop his gawking… are you prepared to end the relationship over this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI truly ALL who have taken time to answer...I am at my wits end with this....it happens EVERY time he and I are in the vehicle together....I am NOT willing to be maimed or killed in an accident because of his stupidity....he takes his eyes off the road and GAWKS until he cannot see the female anymore! I have told him he can do that when I am not with him...I value my life!!!! We have had too many near accidents and blaring horns from others because of it!!!! NO...I have made up ,my mind after much contemplation and reading your answers...I WILL NOT marry him unless this behavior changes!! Once in awhile is one thing....but EVERY time we are riding together...NO WAY!!!!
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (15 May 2012):
Depends on what you mean by oogling.
If he's stopped in his tracks and just staring, then yes, I'd say that it's pretty disrespectul and if you've spoken to him about it and he doesn't care, then don't marry him until he stops doing it.
However, if he's just glancing/noticing discretely, then it's not really his fault because everyone looks. In such a situation, then you have to work on your jealousy/insecurities and figure out why it bothers you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can absolutely spot answers from men w/o checking....JEALOUSY??? Really now.....when he has to come to a weaving life threatening halt when driving because he ogling some woman....this happens often!!!! That constitutes MY jealousy??? Get real!!!!!!![Mod note: would you care to acknowledge the other aunts who have taken the time to answer? Or is this merely a rant?]
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A
female
reader, SpaDiva0106 +, writes (15 May 2012):
 If this is truly something that bothers you, if you have expressed your feeling of hurt over these actions, if he has given no regard to them and you see no sign that this behavior will end....ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MARRY HIM! This will only get worse as the two of you become more comfortable with each other and the newness of your love begins to fade. Loving you means respecting your feelings; which he clearly does not. This has little to none to do with him ogling other women. This has to do with him respecting you! And respect is everything!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 May 2012):
 If you choose not to continue seeing - or marrying - this guy.... then, I assure you that the favor is being done by YOU, for HIM!!!
I once dated a girl who may have been like you... and she "defined" any glance at ANY other woman as "ogling"... and it, ultimately, lead to the demise of what was - otherwise - a pretty good relationship....
I recommend that you work on your jealousy.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): That IS very disrespectful! I love how guys can say things like, I love you..you are the only women for me, you are all that I see.....blah, blah, blah...ya until another attractive women walks by...all is null and void....it's just rude.Look, we all notice when something is attractive, but for women who are in love, we just don't "see" the guys as much anymore...for men, not always the case. It's one thing to notice, glance and go about your business...but when a guy is with you and obviously staring at another women, even making eye contact with the person, they are still looking.My girlfriend will seriously call out complete strangers who do this...I saw it in action and it was priceless....My boyfriend at the time, and my friend and her husband were out to dinner, and when we got up to leave, a man was sitting at his table with his wife and he was checking ME out, up and down. I didn't notice because he was behind me, but she did. She walked right up to the guy and let him have it right in front of his wife told him what she thought and told him he owed his wife an apology. We were all stunned, him most of all and his wife was speachless....now we didn't hang around long enough to find out what happened after, but you can only guess. I am beginning to get brave to do it too as I can't stand it when I see it.I think these guys need a taste of their own medicine, they need for it to really make an impact. My friends husband said, that man needs to learn how to look without anyone knowing you are looking...and he's right...it's unrealistic for you or anyone to expect people not to see or notice...there are lots and lots of beautiful men and women in the world...you just don't have to do it and make your partner feel less than, or compared to what you see....beause that's what it does to us....I am a fairly secure and confident women, but I can drop from feeling like a 10 to a 0 in seconds flat when the guy I am with exhibits this behavior.Talk to him honestly and sincerely and let him know how his behavior makes you feel...don't set an expectation that is unrealistic like expecting him not to look at anyone...that's really not necessary, but he does need to work on focusing on whom he is with, which is you, and stop this disrespectful behavior. If he can't, or won't work on it, you have a decision to make because this will not go away on it's own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): That depends on what you mean by ogles. In my experience the definition varies from person to person. Some may see a quick glance as ogling, others may not even see boob staring as ogling. If you can say for definite that he ogles in a way the rest of us don't, stares too much etc. Then just find a guy who doesn't do that because he promised to stop and broke that promise.
Just sure that your definition of ogle is in line with the average or you find that the rest of us have eyes too.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (15 May 2012):
 It's normal to notice an attractive member of the opposite sex, and maybe even sneak an extended peek now and then, but if he's looking to the point of being obvious, even after you've brought it to his attention, then I'd say this is a problem.
My vote is no. Don't marry him.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 No dont marry him!!
He makes you feel unrespected; thats not love!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2012):
IF it bothers you and you have told him and he won't or can't stop then no you should not marry him.
I personally find it funny when my fiance looks at other women... because I know he doesn't have a shot with them, he's not going after then and all he's doing is whetting his appetite... and personally I don't care where he gets his appetite as long as he eats at home.
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