A
female
age
26-29,
*lla-Leigh
writes:i had a boyfriend for about 2 years, on and off.when we were 'going out with each other' we were friends with benefits.the last time we split up we both said some really hurtful things to each other and never spoke again, i still used to see him around the area i live him and everytime I used to get butterflies, my friend told me it was just because I was nervous because I hadn't seen him for a while and things when I used to see him everyday.I'll explain more about our relationship and when we were fwb..- not a day went by without us seeing each other- he is the only guy I have ever told I loved too.- even when i was a child i had a huge crush on him and him on me.- his family was like my family and the other way round.As I said we hadn't spoke in a while but recently we have started talking again. All of my feelings had come back even stronger than I thought they could and now I'm desperate to see him again.he asked me to go to his sometime in the week and I know that he is just going to use me (because he's brother told me he will - I am also close to him - but not as close - more of a brother to me) but I want to see him.Am I stupid for letting him use me just because I miss him?I don't know what to do because I miss him so much and this is the only way I will get to see him.
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crush, friend with benefits, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): "Am I stupid for letting him use me just because I miss him?"
No, you're an unhappy and confused and misguided mid-teen whom I suspect has huge voids in her life and is desperate to fill them any way she possibly can.
Please take Tisha-1 and iAHTHY's advice to heart, and also consider counselling. A trained neutral third-party professional can help you sort things out and understand the factors motivating your behavior so you can break the cycle of dysfunction and dependence.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Sweetie, when you look back on this time years from now, you will be sad for this teenaged you who couldn't see that she was worth way more than being a family friend's FWB.
Unrequited love can be extremely frustrating and extremely fascinating at the same time. It's just that you want something so very very badly and you cannot quite wrap your head or your heart around the fact that you can't always get what you want.
Many people experience this, it's a very hurtful form of rejection because the FWB part gives you the belief that if you can just get him to love you the way you love him, then all will be well.
The problem is that if he did love you the way you loved him, he'd make it very apparent.
Instead, you have his brother(!) trying to help you and warn you off. Now that's something. His own brother sees clearly what you cannot stand to look at directly.
So, I would suggest that instead of seeing him, I think it's time to purge him from your life and do a little break up ritual to accomplish that. Whatever that ritual might be--burning photos, deleting emails, making a little time capsule and burying it deep somewhere safe--plan it, include your two or three best girlfriends and eradicate this guy from your life.
He's not worth your time and devotion, honestly, he's not. He's just a guy who happens to be friends with your family and that's about it. I promise there is nothing magical or special about him. Those feelings that you experience come from inside you, not from him or what he's like. Those feelings are a longing for something this guy will never ever be man enough to give you.
Just because you've known him for a long time and your families are friends doesn't make him the one for you, okay?
Try to detach part of your mind and observe the rest of you being all obsessive. Just watch yourself and how your mind is buzzing along and maybe you'll begin to see the bigger picture.
Good luck. Be well and work on being wise. :)
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