A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiancé for 3 years and we have a baby daughter together the only thing I can't stand is his mother. Mother in law watched the birth of my daughter against my wishes and tries to take over with my daughter (buys milk and nappies) cuddles her for hours and criticises my parenting (she lives with us). She's called me fat, stretchmarked and tries to make me feel lucky to be with her son she's even implied I'm ugly as she says our daughter will be so pretty when she's older because she just looks like her dad and not mummy. She's criticised my skin tone (too pale) and says my feet are too big she also said I would never lose my baby weight (I'm lighter than prepregnancy) but tries to force me to eat unhealthy food. She treats my fiancé like a little boy she gets up at 5am and makes him a fully cooked breakfast and prepares his lunch for him. She criticises my cooking, cleaning and tries to interfere with our daughter non stop she even said my fiancé will never marry me. She's chinese so I don't know if it's a cultural thing but she's like jealous of my relationship with her son and tries to make me feel bad. It's like she wishes I would leave and leave her with her son and our baby (that would never happen) it's really putting me off marrying him the thought of his psycho mother being so involved in mine and our daughters life. How can I marry him when I hate his mother so much?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 September 2013):
 So why is it you’re not buying the milk and nappies, cuddling the baby and making breakfast etc? Is it because you still think having a baby and a fiancé going out to work with an empty stomach should entitle you to no criticism?
What is it that you do all day that a Mother-in-law can’t help you temporarily have a break or fulfil an area in which you don’t do yourself for your fiancé!? If you’re not prepared to do it yourselves, by growing up and take charge; someone else will by the looks of it. You leave his mother no alternative but to step in and take over as you say!?
As for her sarcasm that’s another matter entirely… You speak to your fiancé about these remarks and get him to nip it in the bud; “no more slagging off at the mother of my child – enough is enough!”
Meanwhile if she’s prepared to get up and cook him breakfast at 5am and you’re not, then I see no difficulty in you accepting this and still have an input by preparing his lunch the day before? This is just one step in how you work together, stand your ground and gain a bit of respect from a difficult M-I-L.
Other than that I’d adopt a thick skin as mentioned or get used to the idea (nightmare) if you’re not prepared to understand old-fashioned values in looking after her boy as man of the house who puts the food on the table.
From experience; any Mother I’m sure would like to see that their child (be they a grown man/woman) is looked after and cared for… Once they see this; you then control them and the situation :)
Take Care – CAA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): She has the old-fashioned stereotypical "mother-in-law from hell" traits. Nothing I've never heard of before. You have a "mama's boy" for a fiance'; and Mean Mama comes with the territory. Any girl he chooses, will face the same hell.
You'll never be as good as she is. He has become both her son, and her surrogate husband. That happens in situations where the mother is so dependent on her son; and they've lived together long into his manhood. He takes care of her, and she takes care of him. They're inseparable.
You're the third-wheel in her eyes. She's whipping you into shape for her son. You're going through mama's boot-camp, and she's tough. Only the strong will survive it. When she does move out, she's going to be sure you will stay thin, clean well, cook, and take good care of her baby-boy.
Develop a thick skin. She does come with the package. You also need to have your fiance' stand up for you sometime.
You put a baby in the picture, before marriage. The baby is her grandchild for life. So deal with it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (21 September 2013):
Step 1: Stop living with someone you hate.
Step 2: See what happens.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): "How can I marry him when I hate his mother so much?"How could you have moved in with his mother when you hate her so much?How could you have had an out-of-wedlock kid with him when you hate his mother so much? Sorry, but the time for answering your question passed when you failed to address the two far more relevant questions above and so at this point whether or not you ever marry your live-in baby daddy is moot. She is who she is, she was the same person when you came into the picture, and neither she nor your "fiancé" mother are going to change to please you. Unfortunately you're now tied to them for the foreseeable future via your daughter, so basically you're stuck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): Sorry, I'm sure that is a nightmare for you. She shouldn't be living with you. She needs to find somewhere else to live. He needs to stand up for you and put her in her place. I know that is his mother, but you are the mother of his child, and you should not have to put up with that kind of treatment.
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