A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fianace and I have been dating 3 years and we have a 1/2 year old son. When I was about 4 months pregnant he cheated on me and slept with his X girlfriend. I found this out only because she send me a facebook message informing me of what happened and etc. He first denied it ofcoarse then came clean to me about everything. I was devasted ofcoarse but i choose to forgive and forget. When he came clean to me about it I speciallically asked him how many times did he sleep with her and he told me just that once now. We have been engaged for 1 year now and I just come to find out that he lied to me. I talked to him yesterday and told him before our wedding day i would like for him to come clean to me abot everything and still nothing. Any advice? I know this was long ago in the begginiing of our relationship. But how can I marry a man who will lie to his wife?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): Im a guy, and to be honest if he is willing to cheat on you while you're pregnant with his child. Then clearly all he cares about is his feelings and not yours. The only reason he came clean was because he got caught out. Otherwise to this day you would have no idea. This happened to me before where my ex gf was cheating. You would've went thru life thinking what an awesome guy you have when really he's nothing but a scumbag. The fact that you said he lied about it only being once. Wow I so shocked he lied lol. The bottom line is this. If he cheated on you once IDC what anyone says he will cheat again. Ppl like this can't change. They can't help themselves. do yourself a favor tell him to keep his ex gf and get that fucker for every penny you can in child support. If you stay with him you're telling him his behavior is ok. There's no excuse for this and dont be fooled by the crying and begging. Think about this. Was he crying and begging when he had his prick inside his ex??????
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): Personally, there is no way I would marry this guy...oh my...you were pregnant and he made a choice to cheat on you with his ex girlfriend....that is lower than low...Then the ex called him out, so he got caught. I am sure he had every excuse and justification in the book and swore up and down he would never do it again....sorry....this guy has likely done it before and will do it again....if he had done this, came clean immediately with you, well, perhaps it could have been something to work through, but that's not the case at all. You have basically given this guy a pass on his behavior and it's only a matter of time he will do it again because if it wasn't for his ex, he would have gotten away with it and he knows it.There are never any justifications, blame or excuses for cheating on your partner...it was a concious choice when it presented itself, and he choice not to do the right thing...it was not a mistake. You also have a choice now, with all that you know...don't put on rose colored glasses and think he's going to all of a sudden change who he is. I would suggest counseling for you both if you want to try and salvage this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2013):
 Does the number of times he slept with the Ex-Girlfriend alter anything in YOUR relationship or in your perception of him?
I do think having a chat about lying is necessary, specially IF you still want to marry him.
I understand that you are questioning him and how truthful he is NOW before you get married and I do think you have every right to do so.
I really would suggest if you plan to marry that you seek some pre-marital counseling and sort this out. No one can really forgive and forget 100%. Forgive maybe, but forget? That isn't going to happen. So what you have right now is a lack of trust, which isn't good for a relationship nor a marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): If I'm honest, your question should not be how can you marry a man who will lie to his wife, but rather how can you marry someone who would cheat on you in the first place? And while you were pregnant with his child, no less. That's low. Also, the fact he's STILL lying about certain things regarding the incident only further tells me he feels nothing when he lies to you, which means it will only get easier for him to lie to you in the future. You can't trust him. Not only that, you didn't find out from him, which means he was perfectly content to keep it from you for the rest of your lives. I mean, what if the ex hadn't told you? You'd never have known, because he obviously didn't feel enough guilt for what he'd done to tell you on his own. This is not a person you should consider marrying for A LOT of reasons.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 March 2013):
It wasn't in the beginning... It was over a year after you started going out.
In my opinion cheating can be forgiven but only if it was a one time thing. I've cheated and regretted it and never did it again. But in your fiancé 's case it was premeditated, not a "mistake". He was deceiving you, not just so he didn't get in trouble but so he could do it again.
To me this is unforgivable. I'd break up with him because honesty is so important in a relationship that it's not something to take a chance on.
If you don't want to break up all I can do is recommend that you don't marry him until you trust him to not ever do something like that again.
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