A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my ex boyfriend a few years ago and fell deeply in love with him, I never knew love like this before, he was everything to me. He told me he loved me too, we started to look for a house together, talked about kids and everything was great until things started to go down hill and he began taking me for granted, making no effort, choosing to play the Xbox over spending time with me, etc. The final straw was when he asked his male friend to move in to his house “temporarily”, and then things got worse, he would show off in front of his friend, putting me down in a “jokey” way, but I did feel hurt (I made cakes and he said they were disgusting in front of his friend). His friend is anti women and girlfriends and doesn’t have one of his own. At first I started to find things to do while I was at his house, like cooking, listening to music and seeing my family, but week after week, this got boring and I felt more and more invisible and neglected. Eventually I had it out with my ex boyfriend and confronted him about my feelings, to which he responded that he wouldn’t change and then after a heated conversation by telephone, he dumped me (after 2 years together). I fought tooth and nail to save the relationship, offering solutions for compromise, but he said he wouldn’t compromise and walked away. I was heart broken. The only way I could understand this was to convince myself he didn’t love me, otherwise he would not have walked away. With this belief, I found it easier to move on. I met someone else after 2/3 months and life was going great. UNTIL, my ex boyfriend has just got in touch with me and wants to meet up, he said that he misses me dearly, still loves me, and looking back perhaps things didn’t have to end, and that he is stubborn as I know and he is surprised that I put up with him for so long (trying to make a joke).Now I am left feeling unhappy because he was everything to me, and I wanted him forever.How can I make sense of this so that I can move on with my current boyfriend? I find myself thinking about my ex all the time now, over and over again to try to make sense of all of this.I want to be happy, I want to settle down, I wanted it to be with my ex, but he dumped me! Now he has come back into my life and messed everything up. What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (3 February 2009):
 He is in the past, he had his chance and blew it. Don't make the same mistake twice, very few people actually change and he will eventually revert back to how he was before. I would tell him to get lost, your with someone now who treats you how you should be treated and ask him not to bother contacting you again.
A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (3 February 2009):
If you went back to him he would probly make you even more unhappy and neglected. Maybe you still think about him because you loved him and it ending quite badly and maybe even unexspected. Tell him you dont want him back and stop contact with him. Spend more time with your current boyfriend, go out and have fun and you will soon forget him. Good luck and dont let your ex break your heart again. Whatever you do dont meet up with him.
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A
female
reader, Auntie Jez +, writes (3 February 2009):
I have to say that I agree with Kelly. Move on. Some men (and women) only want you when someone else does I suspect that this is the case with him. Now you have someone else he will promise you the earth and will be very persuasive. He had his chance, he and his woman hating friend messed up, he did not treeat you well, A leopard never changes its spots. If you go back you will be in the same situation in 6 months time.Basically he used your love as a weapon against you and he is doing it again.Delete his number from your phone, dont answer his texts or calls and make the most with your lovely new fella- Book a romantic Valantines Day dinner and enjoy it with him.If you truely love someone you want the best for them,you respect them and treat them well. In all honesty hun, I dont think he loved you or he would have treated you better.Dont take it personally, he would be like it to any girlfriend.Make me a promise not to put up with any nonsence like this in future..you deserve better.Jezxx
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A
female
reader, steph20389 +, writes (3 February 2009):
 If you are unsure abotu how you feel about your curretn relationship i think you need to talk to your current boyfriend because it isn't fair on him.also you have to remember that your ex broke up with you not the other way around, he made that decission and until he came along again you were happy.ex's are ex's for a reason, the question you have to ask yourself is are you still in love with him? and do you really want to go back there when he put you down in front of his friends and didn't treat you how you deserved to be treated? it's a decision that only you can makei hope some of that helps x
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (3 February 2009):
 my advice...never look back. take your chances with your new boyfriend, your ex has probably just got lonely and thought of contacting you. your ex sounds like he didnt care and if he loved you then he wouldnt have put you down and abused you like this. i'm in a relationship and my boyfriend loves me very much, when he see's his friends he wouldnt dream of putting me down. your ex is bad news, good luck with your current relationship. keep me updated. xx
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