A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I make myself become more independent? I am a female.And I realise that I have less passion for the learning and work than the men .I think about a boyfriend ,and a family ,even a baby even that I want to be a housewife.However ,I am a senior in the college .I just can't concentrate myself in the study and work .And I am afraid that when I graduate from the University ,I will become too old to have a boyfriend .I am afraid that I can't have a family .And now I am afraid I can't do my career well .
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Thanks Lazyguy; I was going to post a reply; but taking the flag in consideration, I realize it will not be appropriate;
As for the poster; I think Lazyguy gave you a great answer;
I have nothing to add; but: trust in yourself; believe in yourself.
Best wishes, lots of smiles from me.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Dear agony aunts, NOTE THE DAMNED FLAG.
This woman is from China and that means she comes from a far more traditional background.
I don't know the area myself by do know that, at least a decade ago, in Japan a woman was considered an old maid at 27. You might not agree but that is because you are from the west where we have had equality a bit longer. (and still there are plenty of women approaching 30 crying their life is over on this forum).
To the poster:
You are living in a country that is undergoing rapid change, in the west this happened ages ago over several decades, your country is doing it in just a handful of years, going from a backwater joke of a nation to a superpower with its own space program.
On the one hand you are under pressure to be a modern woman with her own career and on the other to become a housewife with a husband and kids. Both pressures can be equally demanding on a woman. In the west there are plenty of women who say "NO" to having a career and choosing to become wifes and stay-at-home moms.
Part of the freedom in the west at the moment is that now people are far more free to choose what they want. Stay-at-home dads, career moms, single parent households.
Not that this freedom makes it any easier to not feel pressured to measure up to some standard set by family or the media.
This is YOUR life, you don't get another one so you have little choice but to try and do what makes you happy. IF you want to have a family, that is your freedom BUT if you just feel that if you don't have it now you never will, are you then just giving up on what you want now for fear of what the future might bring?
I cannot say wether the fear of being to old is realistic. By western standards the clock starts to tick mid-thirties so plenty of time left but China might be very different.
Frankly, I would say, do what you want to do and don't let fear of the future hold you back. If the only reason you want a family now is because you fear you can't get one in the future, then I would suggest that that it is a really lousy reason to get married.
Call me an old romantic, but you should marry for love and that is something that just happens to you when you are living your life. So go and have a career and let love find you. If you were to concentrate on a boyfriend there is no guarantee that it will work out. A job gives you the independence to wait for the right person.
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A
male
reader, iateadonut +, writes (12 July 2008):
I guess this is a very common fear.In China, I think everyone gets married when they are 27 or 28, and if you get married earlier, you were young, and if you get married when you're 30 or older, everyone is amazed at how old you were when you got married.And now you're a senior and you think you won't be able to do your job well, which starts soon, right? Next year you should find a place to intern at?I'll tell you a secret: No one is good at their job when they first start it. So don't worry about it.Another one: you're studying to pass a test, not to pick up skills. So just study to pass the test. Do it and you'll be fine.I think the whole world is backwards and women shouldn't have to work, but, that's not the world we live in, unfortunately.
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A
female
reader, crystal clear xx  +, writes (12 July 2008):
You need to gain more confidence in yourself. You're already doing great you're obviously a very intelligent girl but you just need to get the balance in your life sorted. Theres nothing stopping you from graduating at college and having the career and family that you long for. Concentrate on your studies and in your spare time do the things you enjoy, socialise and meet new people and have more faith in yourself.
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A
male
reader, elpasotexas +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Thats ridiculous hun, you can have whatever you want. Are you being driven by your parents? You are acting like life is over by the time you are 30. Most people don't find the one they love until after this, my parents for example got married at 35 and they both had careers before this.
The bottom line is, that if you don't want to go to university don't go. I made this mistake and ended up wasting a year of my life. However if you want to go you oould kill 2 birds with 1 stone and strike up a relationship while you are there, educational places are where you can meet people with the same interests as yourself.
Good luck with this, the bottom line is follow your heart you can always follow the other path in later life.
xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy sister married about 21.And she has a baby about 22.
Now ,I am 23 .
And I don't have a boyfriend.
When I hear that my primary school classmates have married and has a baby , even the younger than me have married.
I am afraid that I will become too old to have a boyfriend,family,or a child .
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