A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I preface this by saying I want to be clear that I don't mean to put anyone down. I don't want anyone to feel lousy. God, no. I want to do ANYTHING but that. I just need to get a load off... I have been extremely depressed lately .Is it possible to have a social life and fulfilment if you're a single woman with no kids? I've been incredibly depressed lately and I'm starting to despair. I wonder what I have to live for. I'm thirty-something years old, never married, no kids. I feel like I'm at the age where no one will be friends with you unless you have kids and a husband. What triggered it tonight? There's a movie I REALLY want to see. The thought of going alone depresses the hell out of me. I do everything alone these days. I eat meals alone, when I go out somewhere, it's alone, I cook for one. I feel like I'm insignificant and I don't matter to anyone. I feel like a serious loser because I live with mom but she has health problems and just sort of tolerates me, but she's never there for me. My father doesn't want me, I have no bio siblings, just one stepbrother. I've lost a lot of "friends" this year (they were never really my friends. They were never even good people. But, now I'm lonely). It seems that people my age only want to hang out with girls who are wives and moms. People's knee-jerk reaction to all this is: "Go to church, you loser!" I don't go to church anymore. I used to be Roman Catholic but decided that it wasn't the way for me anymore, Catholic church is based round social conventions, and people don't go there to fellowship or socialize... and I tried Protestant churches but they are basically for young marrieds and young families with small kids and are very insular and unwelcoming towards singles.I feel invisible, insignificant, tribeless. I'm at the age where people treat you like an outcast. I try to make friends but I get rebuffed because women my age a. either have kids and bond over them or b. get left out. I feel like I'm just waiting to get old and die and I wish I could just fast forward my life to that moment because I missed out on my dreams and I feel like I'm just stuck languishing in this desert of loneliness while everyone else is riding the husband-and-kids train. I feel like my life is over before it even began, and I'm grieving. I feel like I'm a ghost of a girl and everyone else is alive and connected. I have so many dreams but I can't have the life I want because I don't have the relationship I want.So there's this movie and I want to see it so badly and it seems like a stupid reason to be upset. NOTHING could be more depressing to me than going alone to the movies. I HATE to go to the movies alone. It seems like everyone is taking their kids to see it and I feel pathetic bc I don't have kids. I want a life so badly and I feel like I missed my chance. What I have to live for? I just feel like giving up on being happy sometimes.
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (31 July 2017):
Like other people mentioned, go to see a psychologist to help you cope with those feelings you are having.
I'm 32, and I've been almost a loner since 24, except that my only companionship is my girlfriend. We both are loners that got together, for many good reasons, and also since we were both loners in life. You still have a chance to find someone who you can trust and have a meaningful relationship. Just don't expect that person to make you happy. If you can't be happy by youself, you can't be happy with someone else. Learn to love yourself so you can love others.
What can you do to meet people and start loving yourself?
Workout. Go to the gym, swim, or do any kind of exercise. You need lots of endorphins to get your mood up. Also, those exercises are excellent ways of meeting new people.
Given enough time, exercise will make you feel better and more confident with your body and appearance.
Join a music club, art club, or whatever kind of club. You are going to meet lots of single persons. Keep moving. Better yourself , get your mood up, so you are ready and healthy when you meet someone significant top you.
Take Saint John's Wort tea, it's very cheap and good for depression.
Do things that you've always wanted to do buy you have never done before everyday, and one day you'll find someone along the way, friendships or love partners. If that does not happens, you'll still will have a good time doing that, just don't make finding a partner your priority.
Lastly, GOT TO THE F****ING movies ALONE!.
My GF and I have a LDR relationship, and we don't see each other for months. So what do I do when there is a new movie? I just watch it ALL ALONE. Yes, that's right, I watch it alone, I look like a weirdo, but I don't care, I'm there for the movie, and not for the couples in there.
Best regards!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): See a doctor to rule-out clinical depression, or an underlying health-problem making you feel down. This is required immediately!!!
We get posts from married-women with children who are also depressed about their lives. Marriage and kids may have satisfied one aspect of being female; but it doesn't necessarily make them "happy." They have husbands, but still feel alone; or they have kids, but feel that's all their lives revolve around.
Life is what you make it. If it's boring; that's what various schools, charities, clubs, and hobbies are for. To enrich and enlighten. Complaining is a common past-time. You're not living in a war-zone, enduring starvation in a drought, or under a cruel regime where women are treated with less respect than animals. You've got choices.
No one here knows you, or anything about your personality. People who really want friends find a way to make friends. There is no exclusive wives/moms club that excludes single women. If anything, they'd love to have as many female-friends in their support-system as they can find; to remind them they're not just housekeepers or incubators, but people. In your state of mind, marriage and children wouldn't change anything. Your outlook and skepticism would likely be the same. You have to be grateful and thankful for the things you have, and make yourself useful to your community. Visibility allows you to be seen, and people get to know you.
You are among far too many people hating on life, the gift God gave you. Looking for every excuse in the book to say life is shit. You decided all married-women are against single-women; so they will reject you. Even churches don't like you. Come on now...seriously?!!!
You're even implying you're suicidal; then you definitely need professional-counseling. Nothing anybody will say on this site will help you here. That is very serious! That requires therapy and treatment.
You're socially-awkward and too shy about approaching people; and you've got a ton of well-manufactured excuses why you can't make friends or find dates. Then subscribe to a dating site and be active. Join a gym, a travel-club, or take some courses to broaden your intellectual horizons and improve your interactive and communication skills.
Maybe it's time to let your father take care of your mother while you get a life. Maybe they need to have a visiting nurse come in and care for her. You're not obligated to devote your entire life to your mother's healthcare. That's a choice. If you don't like doing it, stop. You have a step-brother, they're his parents too.
Go to the movies alone. Nothing you said about that makes any sense. You're trying to turn being single into some horrid hell-hole of a life-style. There is nothing further from the truth. You've tethered yourself to your mother's healthcare; so you can't get-out and have your independence. You sit around your house and groan about how everyone else is living. We all have problems and things that get us down.
Maybe it is time to find a full-time job; so you will feel independent and productive. You need to move out of your parent's house; and get yourself an apartment, a cute pet, and your own car.
You're telling the same sad-story told by adult-children still living at home, shackled to a sickly-parent who doesn't really care for you; and hating on life.
Get some independence and privacy; and you won't mind being single so much. Get your mother a caretaker. If you volunteered for the job, you have the open-option to quit. If her life depended on around-the-clock care, she'd be hospitalized. You're exhausted from caring for your mother, and feel life is passing you by. You're not the thread that she's clinging to life by. Sweetheart, you need a break from that!
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