A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am in live in relationship with my boyfriend from past 3 months though I got committed to him 3 years back. I was staying in a different apartment before but not with him but he told me to move in with him. He used to hit me even before moving in with him and hits me even now. I can't even tell this to my family because they will kill me. When he gets angry he starts raising hand on me and and calls be bitch , slut and all kinds of abusive words. Sometimes he even calls my parents. When he does to me like this I either cry so much and call him back and hit him back. For me it's really like hell staying with him. Before after hitting he would at least come and apologize to me and not let me break up with him when I used to stay differently in another apartment but now he asks me to leave and one day he just through me out of apartment. I will just cry and cry and I can't tell to my friends that he hits me becoz his reputation in our college will be in stake and the situation will get even worser. I am a student and what all money my parents sent me for my apartment I just spent that for some trip with him listening to him and sharing the money for apartment with him. I can't shift now to another apartment now becoz I don't have enough money to shift I can shift only after few months and I can't stay with him too. I feel literally so bad I can't even express this to anyone. I really don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2017): I noticed you are from India. Do you go to school and live in India also? That information would be helpful to know as Indian culture is somewhat different than western culture. My understanding of Indian culture is that it is rather patriarchal in some areas and that, in some cases, marriage is arranged and the woman can be killed if she doesn't live up to her husband's expectations. I'm wondering if that's why you say your family will kill you? If you are currently living in India, it's probably unlikely that there are shelters for women in your situation. If you don't feel as if you can tell your family, you must have at least one friend you can confide in and ask for help? You should not concern yourself with ruining his reputation. You should be thinking about how to save yourself. One thing is for sure, you must leave as this situation will only escalate and your life could be in danger.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2017): Your parents will not kill you; but he could! See if a female classmate will give you temporary shelter until you can contact your parents. Get out while he's not home. Like Code Warrior suggested, turn off your phone GPS.
Inform your school advisor and security at your university that you are a victim of domestic-violence. You may have to miss classes. Some colleges and universities offer assistance and counseling.
You should never keep something like this from your family. You need help, and there is no way they'll be more upset with you; than they would be knowing that he is assaulting you. They would be furious with him!
You need help, call home first! I'm not sure about what part of India you live in; I've been told that in domestic-violence situations the police tend to be more sympathetic to the male in the situation; which is probably why you haven't reported his attacks.
You moved-in after you knew he was prone to violence; then worry about how your parents would feel if they knew. He's the one attacking you, and you're afraid of what your parents would think?!!! Girlfriend, what is wrong with you??? Do your parents know you're living together?
I'm sorry, but your logic and decision-making is quite confusing. You moved-in with a man who hits you. You will not call home for help, but you've written an advice site
instead. I hope and I pray you will take the advice you are given.
Call home and get money! Move out! NOW!!!
I think your family will be more upset knowing you didn't trust them enough to come to your rescue when some guy is beating you.
I am quite sure your safety and well-being would be more of their concern than the money. They have a right to be angry that you're not making wise choices. I think they'll come and get you first, and settle that matter later!
Sweetheart, please call home! Please!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): Wow! If a guy hits you, you run as far the other way as possible. Do not move in with him. But too late, you already have. "I'm sorry" means absolutely nothing when a guy hits a gal. NOTHING!! I don't know what to tell you with regards to your financial situation. Maybe there's a women's shelter you can call? Maybe you need to drop out of school for one semester and get a job. Maybe you need to go back home to your parents, profusely apologize, let them know you'll never make a dumb mistake like that again, then get a job and go back to school when you have the finances to do so. Your parents might be mad, but if they're kind enough to pay for your apartment, they probably would not want to see you seriously injured or killed by your boyfriend. Work on yourself and your self esteem. Do not concern yourself with such a jerk. No woman deserves to be battered by a man, and vice versa.
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