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female
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anonymous
writes:Quick question: What do you say to a friend who has low self-esteem and thinks that the guy she's dating thinks you're prettier and sexier than she is? She's having a tough time with this relationship, this guy won't commit, and she says you've just got to take what life gives you. No matter what I say to her she won't walk away from this even when she knows how bad it could make her feel. It's pretty awkward when she tells me this guy thinks I'm pretty and she goes I guess this is what I have to live with. I don't know what to say to her!! I've tried telling her not to let anyone tell her she's not good enough, and tried my best at talking positive to her..but nothing works!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007): Hi, I appreciate your situation with your girlfriend, she sounds like she may be suffering from depression as she is "always upset and down". This is most likely caused by a chemical imbalance in her brain....because of the depression she is seeing everything through a really negative filter, and the boyfriend may be the type that likes to take advantage of a woman who is down because he can get what he wants from her without having to put much effort into the relationship to keep her happy, which is further bringing her down....I don't know what I think about the "secret" I think it couldn't hurt to live your life with only positive thoughts, but I don't think it is completely realistic or reality based, as people do have unfortuneate things happen to them that they did nothing to "attract" and they do actually suffer from depressions that are caused by their biology, not thoughts.
If I were you, I would say to her that she seems always really sad to you and that you hate to see her in so much pain, and has she considered that she might be depressed and would benefit from making an appointment with her doctor to discuss her symptoms. Her doctor is a good place to start, she does not have to go immediately into therapy, a doctor now days is trained to prescribe antidepressants, which really can help get her out of this dark hole, and therapy may also be in order to help her rearrange the negative things she tells herself about her life....depression is nothing that you can pull yourself out of with positive thinking, it is a real illness that needs specific treatment, it isn't a weakness in character or personality, but can be made worse by life situations and events.
That is what I would do if she were my friend, but realize that it is not your responsibility to fix her life, so try not to stress out too much over her problems, just be there to listen when you can and distract her with something light and funny to take her mind off of her troubles....that usually will give you both some relief!
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (5 March 2007):
 Thanks for those kind words, I really appreciate it. Do keep me updated and let me know how it goes... and let me know if you enjoyed the movie and if it made a difference.
Eve
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, Eve. We have a break this next week, so I'll make it a point to get her to watch it. Will give you an update on what happens when I can. Thanks for the link too. :DBtw, I love all the advice you give on this site. It is so very sensible and practical and so easy to relate to. Thanks for all your help. Keep up the good work, you're helping so many people here :)
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 February 2007):
Go over to her house one night or invite her to your house and watch a movie called "The Secret!" It will cost you $4.95 to watch from your PC but you can watch it instantly! It will change her whole life and whole way of thinking. She is negative all the time and is attracting negative energy. She needs to become more positive, you see you GET WHAT YOU ATTRACT!
I strongly advise you to watch the movie together and let me know how it goes. I have given so many people the link to this movie and 99 per cent of them have said it has made such a big impact on them. http://thesecret.tv/home.html
I'm sure she'll watch it with you if you ask her to, you have nothing to lose and everythng to gain from it.
Eve ;o)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! Thanks for taking the time to read my question and respond. She is so involved in her studies that she doesn't go anywhere, it seems like she always has a lot to do.In fact, she hasn't spent time with me in 2 weeks. The only time she hangs out with other people is when she's studying with them or something. I keep telling her we have to have a girls' night out and go somewhere, do something, even if it's just a day of window-shopping at the mall...but she can never find the time. I've also told her to take her time and be strong on her own before venturing into something, but she just wants to give in to this instead of being strong and resisting. Nearly every time that I talk to her, she's upset about something. I try to make her realize what she's doing but to no avail.
How do I help her do the right thing? It's so depressing hearing about what she's going through and how upset she is all the time. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): Hiya pet,
I also have this problem with my friend at college, infact she has chose him over her friends. She is always crying over him and he is always being horrible to her. the only thing that you do is advise her but you cant do anything perosnal as it is her life.
Dont worry pet everything will be ok soon x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): This relationship is totally wrong for your friend, but she won't want to hear that from anyone. She needs to come to that conclusion herself. She would be better on her own for a time, build up her own self-esteem and let herself find her true worth. Point out to her she is a beautiful person and that beauty comes from within.
Just being there for her will be a great thing.
Take care
xx
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 February 2007):
 I think all you can do is be there for her, comfort her when she is feeling low.
If telling her things to boost her esteem is not working, why don't you get a group of friends and go for a girls weekend away somewhere. When you get the chance to have a one to one, and she is totally relaxed talk to her then, and ask her if this relationship is what she really wants.
Good luck x
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