A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have posted different questions on here over the last few weeks, about my gran being diagnosed with cancer and how do I cope. well next thing.. Today her house got put on the market.. Now I am very angry about this, she is only just dead 2 weeks ago, I have asked to rent from my dad and uncle who own it. He totally dismissed me when I asked and TOLD ME I couldn't afford it!! When I can.. now my cousin has bought it - it's barely on the market. I am FURIOUS that SHE is buying it, when I had asked and she was talking about it before nana even died. How dare she!!!! My dad said oh 700 pounds a month and it's yours to rent, when I said I could rent a brand new flat at the beach with a balcony for that price he said 'don't care your not getting it' then says it's good to keep it in the family!!! What's he all about?? He told me when he first bought the place that by the time anything happened to nana I'd be old enough to take care of myself and move in, well I am! I'm sensible. I go to work at weekends and am a student nurse and also a child care worker! I can do this. The place is so close to my heart. What can I do to make him see sense? x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): thank you for your replies, i would just like to add that the cousin isn't her grandchild. it was a verrryyy bitter argument which has gone on for years. i think my dad is just not wanting his girl to grow up. uncle says it's ok to move in as nana had said she wanted this, however dad says no. thanks for the ongoing discussion and thanks for understanding a little.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): P.S KICKING UP A STINK !If your dad and uncle OWN the property as you have stated. Then it was not your nans house anyway, and if your dad and uncle decide that they want to sell to get their money back then that is up to them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Hi
okay so you are not kicking up a stink!
I do understand wholeheartedly how hard it is to nurse a loved one who is dying, i have done it more than once so i can sympathise in this area. But maybe your cousin wasn't as strong as you because you have to be very strong to watch someones life ebb away. We deal with death in different ways some face it head on some have to turn away and there are no brownie points at the end for the one who stays. You are physically emotionally mentally drained and filled with such emptiness you almost feel dead.I could not even THINK about practicalities. Anger is quite a natural after effect too. maybe you feel like this because of your loss? you wont find your nan in bricks and mortar.
Make sure you don't carry on a LEGACY of hate and bitterness be more concerned with ending the cycle and get facts TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH!
So your gran did not like HER GRANDCHILD OR HER FAMILY, WHO IS YOUR FAMILY TOO? then maybe the chickens are coming home to roost!!!!!!!!!!!! THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT IN THE END. legacy's SHOULD BE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): Actually i don't want to buy, as i know i wouldn't have the money to purchase a home - and by god at my age i think if i made an offer to buy a house i think i would be laughed out the door! My uncle had suggested renting, which i thought would be a great oppertunity for me to rent and learn to fend for myself. which is what all 'little girls' should be learning to do at some point, However most of the girls at my age, due to turn 21 are out there with partners or sharing with friends. this is something i donot want to do. My cousin took nothing to do with our family, she was asked to get involved, but she refused, until nana became ill, she seemed to just appear from nowhere. this is why i am saddened by the choice they are making at considering her. And yes my gran made a will, which is something i will NOT discuss on an internet forum with anyone. I nursed my nana, and i just don't feel like i can let go of her home. the thought of never being back in it again is so sad. I am finding the whole thing very difficult and you can all say i am a 'little girl', or 'sad' or 'immature' or whatever you think. i know what she and i discussed. it's horrible to think she won't even be here to see me graduate next year. and just one more thing - i am not 'kicking up a stink' i have told my dad i am saddened by the decision. i have not said anything to anyone else
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): PS: If your nan didn't want your cousin to have the house, and she wanted it to go to you, it would have been very easy.. Have you ever heard of a "will" little girl.. If nan was so angry with your cousin and so in love with you, she would have written a "will" and you would have the house and your problems would be solved...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Oh sorry, I misread your answer. You work on Monday and Friday for approximately 16 hours (2 hours lunch break) and you also work on Saturday.. I'm sorry, of course you can afford a house. The British people who are working 36 - 40hours a week as policemen, teachers and doctors must be doing something wrong... Tell us how to do it. How do you, a student working less than 36 hours a week, afford to buy a house so easily. I tried, I couldn't do it. What work do you do, it must be stripping or pornography for you to afford to buy a house on part time wages... Please update us with your wisdom, because the last I heard, buying a house was expensive and hard in the UK... But you have something special, please give me your wisdom, I would love to work three days a week and buy a house too, I think a lot of people would love to have advice from you, because we older people are finding it hard..
PS: You work hard cause you like having "cash", buying a house will be a big surprise for you then.... lol...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): The fact that you responded in the way you do, shows me that you are still immature.. Babes, I'm an adult.. You want the house, show me financial figures, show me a balance sheet. You work part time, only a child thinks she can buy a house by working part time. Me and my ex worked a full week and we didn't have enough money. I've known teachers that can't buy houses. But you, a student, working part time, your gonna buy a house.. Well, show me a breakdown, show me the economic figures and then I'll agree.. Me and me ex partner, working full time, still had to ask me dad for help. But you work part time and have enough money to study and do it all alone.. Show me your figures, if you can do this, well, my dear I'll eat my hat...
How much is the house?
Do you have the 10 (or 25% deposit)
Do you have the money to pay the solicitor
Have you got the money to pay stamp duty
How much are the repayments each month
We are going through a recession, can you pay interest up to 14% (1980 figures, it can happen)
Building insurance, can you cover this
Life insurance, accident prevention and unemployment insurance (just in case, you wouldn't want the house to be repossessed cause you didn't protect against accidents)
School fees, money for books
Travel fees, and entertainment and money for clothes
Building maintenance, for household repairs, (best to calculate another added 10% a month, in case the boiler breaks down, or you need a new roof)
I don't own a house, I rent.. I did the calculations, and in the current market with high house prices it would have been insane for me to buy. Nobody owes you anything. You want to buy a house, do you have money, end of story. You sound like a little kid, demanding you have something for free. Your cousin is an adult, she had the money, she bought the house. Stop grumbling, nobody owes you a living. You are immature, you are a kid. Buying houses are for adults, not for children who think they can buy a house by working two days a week.. Get real... you are a child, that's why you can't buy a house, you can't afford it. You want to prove me wrong, I've given you a simple budget, work it out, tell me how you are gonna cover these expenses, prove me and your father wrong...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Hi
Have you not stopped to think it may well be close to your cousins heart as well? Family. Yes you say that your nan has only been gone two weeks, then why are YOU the one who is kicking up such a stink about a property at such a sad time? You are been selfish and thinking of you and are angry because you were PROMISED this before, that's not good when the person is still alive wanting to take over the home. think on young lady and if you love your nan respect her and your parents decisions and stop been childish. If you want to do somthing close to your heart then do somthing special for a cancer charity and make your nan proud. Truth hurts sorry.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): i love how i am being 'immature' hmm sure am.. am not working just 'weekends' as u put it. i go to uni tuesday, wed, thurs. so i then go to work from 8am till 8pm monday and friday and then on a saturday i have an additional job, because i enjoy work and like having lots of cash. However i would like to spend my money on this flat. yes my cousin has placed an offer, which has not YET been accepted. she has as much right as i do?? no i don't think so. for 1 my gran did not like her or her family. so would gran give her it if she was here? NO. and another thing - immature - I nursed her everyday and night through cancer over the last 2 months. I am not a silly little girl, we were very close. what is so wrong with me wanting to be in her house where i spent most of my life?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): * nope.. it should read, "It belongs to your cousin and therefore is still in your family".. (I must be tired, time to come off DC)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): * sorry that should be.. it is off the market, and now belongs to somebody else....
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Your cousin has bought it, so it is still on the market. You are a student nurse and work only weekends, but you are confident that you can raise the deposit and pay for the mortgage, when full time nurses find this hard. We are in a very bad economic situation babes, your dad is right, it would be stupid for you to buy a house at the moment, banks are not lending money, do you have the 10% (it may be 25% now) deposit saved. This house is not yours, it belongs to your uncle and your father. They have made their decision, why shouldn't your cousin have it, the cousin has as much right to this house as you do. Be very grateful to your dad, you are not very money wise, you have no idea of the burden it would have placed on you. Finish your nursing studies, and then try to get a job in America or the Middle East. They pay nurses well, you'll be able to save a lot of money in a couple of years. Then you can try to buy the property from your cousin, you can pay more than the value of the house, and make an offer that is hard to refuse.
You are not being fair, you are being selfish and immature and only thinking of yourself. Your father is thinking of you, and if he says you can't afford it, then I think I'll believe him, and not you with your "weekend" job....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): i have thought of that actually.. and he was going to buy it and move in but coz mum said no he won't.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 October 2008):
Well it seems that it's too late now it's been bought.
Tell him how angry you are and then leave him to it.
Maybe your dad didn't want to have to go there all the time and be reminded of his dead mum. Have you thought of that?
Rent a newer place and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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