| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Please help me, I really don't know what to do... My boyfriend and I were together for two years, we lived together, traveled together, planned a future together, but I couldn't deal with his anger issues and asked him to move out. He still wanted to work things out but I insisted, so he moved into a hot singles area. I got scared and started acting like a possessive idiot, which only pushed him away further - then I found his personals ad on a dating web site and broke up with him. I was really hurt and I made a huge mistake - I sent an email to his friends telling them that I broke up with him because he cheated on me, and that I love and respect them and just want to say goodbye. He doesn't consider putting up a personals ad cheating, so he is still furious with me a month and a half later. I said really harsh things when I was breaking up with him and I wouldn't even let him explain himself. It's been over a month and I love him so much and miss him more than I ever thought possible! I am so terribly sorry about my mistake, I just want to get him back. I saw him at a birthday party this past Saturday and he wouldn't even look at me! Then I found out that the hostess told him not to talk to me - she was afraid he would start yelling at me. It was the first time I saw him since we broke up, I really wanted to look good so he would notice me, I lost 20 lbs, got my teeth whitened, had my hair highlighted, and I had a really short skirt with fishnet stockings and stiletto boots as part of my Halloween costume... and he wouldn't even look at me! I have been reading every book imaginable on getting a man back, and they all say - act as if you are happy without him, make him see you happy and enjoying yourself, look really hot, act as though you don't care... Well, I did all that, and instead of approaching me he was visibly upset and he told the hostess he was mad at her for inviting us both to the same event. I just feel as though he hates me and wants to have nothing to do with me. I ask myself why he was so upset - if he didn't love me anymore, if he didn't care, why would he be so upset? But then I think maybe he was upset because our mutual friends invited us both to the same event? I just don't know...Our relationship really wasn't all bad, he was caring and nice a lot of the time. Things were bad when he lost his temper, but outside of that things were good between us, we are a match for each other in so many ways. I mostly blame myself, I cried a lot and got mad at him instead of trying to figure out where the angry outbursts were coming from in the first place. I think I could have done more to help him, I just didn't know how. Now I know how, I have the right tools, but I just don't know how to get him back into my life. I love him with all my heart, if I didn't I wouldn't be going out of my way trying to figure out how to fix our relationship. I have been working on myself, on my personality, on my emotional control and my reactions. I just wish I had a chance to make it work with him again...All I can think about is contacting him and asking him out for coffee, maybe so we can talk and resolve our issues. I am afraid to ask because it could make me look desperate and needy, and push him further away. But I am also afraid not to ask and lose him because I was too scared to talk to him and resolve things with him. Do you think I should ask him out for coffee and talk to him?Please help me... I would truly appreciate it.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, moved in, my ex, notice me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): Are you really, really, really, really sure you want to get back with him? Are you so sure you were wrong about classing posting adverts on a dating website as cheating? I'd say that is cheating, personally. I think you should stick to what you believe, and not have your opinion changed just because other people don't class it as cheating.
But, if you are sure you can work through all this, and this isn't just because you're lonely, or just "miss him" and do honestly think you are relationship material then, ask him out for a talk. The worst he can say is no. If he says no, accept his answer and move on.
If he says yes, you need to talk about what was going on in both of your heads. He needs to see why you saw him posting adverts as cheating, and he needs to tell you why he was unhappy with the relationship to do such a thing.
You have a lot of talking to do to get through all of this. If you can both have a conversation without shouting at each other then perhaps something can be saved from your relationship. If he doesn't want to see you, or you can't talk about any of the issues that caused all of this then it means you arn't ready.
I personally was in a similar situation to you once where an ex cheated, she denied it and spread lies about me and for that I'll never see her in the same way again, and if I saw her dressed up like you, I wouldn't even give her a seconds look because she disgusts me and I'd certainly never be physically attracted to her again.
Your situation is slightly different, but the way your ex is behaving sounds to me like he, like with my situation, does not wish to have any thing to do with you.
Give it a try though - if you think it's worth it. It doesn't sound like you have any thing to loose! :)
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (2 November 2006):
 hi there
Coffee sound good but take this into consideration, if i understood well u guys seem very different and incompatible, i will tell u y, u are possesive and he is short tempered so that mix is no good which means if u find ur way to each other again u will have to find a way to meet half way otherwise u will keep hurting each other. right now try to relax and reflect on what went wrong and what u could have done to prevent the constant fights. even though what is done is done it will help u when u go for that coffee so that u will know what to say and how to say it and if u want him to take all the blame which strategy to use so that he will realise how miserable u guys h'bin without each other.
you want him back he seem untinterested i think it is better to swallow ur pride and approach him well, tell him how u feel without being angry u said u humiliated him tell him why u did that and how much it pains u that he doesnt even look at u while u need him so much i believe it is the only way u might find out he feels the same way too but was too prideful to tell u. good luck
...............................
|
