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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I hate the Internet, I hate this! But I love him...Turns out me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. Sadly, we live in a small town so everybody knows everybody. The thing is, before I met him, I had a blog, I had a crush on this guy that he knows, I hooked up with some guys he's seen, I was friends with guys he dislikes, etc. Before I met him, of course.So I had the blog and these people and others posted there, and I posted sometimes about life in general, I didn't give details about who I hooked up with, but I did write for example on days when I was sad about my crush not liking me back, nothing explicit nor giving names, some indirect things and everything... you know, like what blogs are for.So a long time happened and we were dating, I had left all that behind me. However, he started inquiring one day about the past and getting jealous. It's been like 2 years of hearing the same things over and over, and of him asking questions and then getting mad at me because of the answers, and judging me, etc. I love him so much, and aside from this it's such a great relationship, if only he weren't jealous...So now he's been with the blog thing lately... asking questions, judging me, etc. Sometimes we'll be doing great and all of a sudden something reminds him of it and he starts with it all over again! I can't take it all the time! So today he was there judging me and to give him a dose of his own medicine I tried asking him questions about his past. His reply? "You can't do that! You were indiscreet, you had a blog where you posted everything, everyone knew about your life, so you have no valid argument to stop me from knowing about that period of yor life, but you can't ask me because I've never published my life for everyone to read". I don't have a blog anymore, I stopped posting before we started dating and all those posts are long gone now.So in my frustration I added one of his former crushes to our band's facebook account. He went mental and told me we were breaking up unless I fixed it and he added a couple of guys that I had hokked up with that he knows. I managed to somewhat fix it (I blocked everyone). But the problem is that now he's blaming me for all of this and that I should have never added that girl! The problem is he has gone out (just as friends) with that girl just to spite me in the past after some big fights because of his jealousy. So I hate her and I know almost nothing about her because the times that I have asked he gets angry and won't answer on the basis that I've done a lot worse things that he has a right to know, but that he hasn't.I'm sorry if this is confusing, English isn't my first language, but I need help, I feel like crap know because I really love him since most of the time we do great, it's just his stupid jealousy and resentment that won't let us move on... but he keeps blaming me. For instance, I have body issues. Yet he can look as much porn as he wants, and I have no say in that, because he feels porn is a non-issue so I have no right to ask about it. Yet, he has issues with my past and he can ask anything he wants! He says if I hadn't been like I was in the past, then I'd have a right to ask anything, but since I was so indiscreet, and did wrong things, I have no right to ask questions about whatever upsets me, unless it's extreme (for example the time he went out with that girl behind my back, that I can ask about, but about his exes, or porn, etc., I can't.). How can I make him understand that being this unfair with me won't lead us anywhere? He loves me, I can see it, it's just that he can't seem to control his jealousy... how can I make him see this isn't healthy for him? It's not like I was a super slut in the past, hell no, I was quite tame anyway! But he can't accept it anyway... I'm so lost now... my heart is broken...
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crush, facebook, his ex, jealous, move on, period, porn, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I know exactle where your coming from. Clearly your boyfriend is jelous of your past relationships and instead of letting it go and focusing on your current relationship he deals with it by asking questions that he knows very well that he's not going to like the answers to. He should be pleased that your answering truthfully and not lying and avoiding awkward questions he asks about ex boyfriends of whatever. You need to sit down with him and explain to him that if he can't get over what may have happend in the past your unable to move on with your future.
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