A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just over 2 years. We don't live together yet as we just can't seem to stop arguing about things, big or small. I don't always think I am right but my boyfriend doesn't seem to ever see my point of view unless he agrees with it himself. I often feel he hurts my feelings in arguments as he tells me I am talking rubbish and that I am an 'idiot'. I am no saint and can argue until I am blue in the face but his words really get to me sometimes. He will always then take the argument further and finish with me - often over text, which then I end up ringing him and persuading him otherwise. How can I make him see that he hurts my feelings talking to me like this without an attack on him personally? Its really getting me down.
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male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (13 February 2009):
Assume that he is who is he, will continue to act the same way he acts, and act accordingly yourself.If that means walking away because you don't want to live your life arguing with someone, then walk away. Maybe he really is willing and able to change, if so he can be the one to speak up then.But if you are willing to live with him being himself (which is the easiest thing for someone to be), and he doesn't see that he loses anything being that way, then he has little incentive to change.And even if you do leave, and he then says "hey I can change, I will change", remember how many people write in here with "he said he would change, but now that we're together it's right back to the way it was."But if you want to give him a chance, that's a very clear and fair way to do it. He is unlikely to respect you any more than you do yourself, or give you more than you insist on.I'll leave to others to ask you whether you want to be with someone who would need someone walking out on them to start paying attention to their needs.Best of luck.
A
female
reader, christable  +, writes (12 February 2009):
Sorry but your relationship is over!!! He is letting you know but your not listening.Why would you beg some one to come back when thing's are so bad between you. You could be spending your efforts on getting dressed up and heading out with the girls having a laugh and spending time with your self and finding out why you think that you need to be in something that has run it's course. move on, move on it's true there are plenty more fish in the sea............
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 February 2009):
He already knows. He has you exactly where he wants you right now so trying to talk to him about it won't change anything. He'll just dump you again.
In his mind, if you are constantly chasing him to get back together, then you can't actually get strong enough to leave him.
This constant cycle of getting you down, then dumping you, then letting you beg for forgiveness for having an opinion of your own, is classic emotional abuse.
If you want him to respect you then you have to stand up for yourself. Tell him that if he insults you during an argument again, then it is over.
And then the hard bit... follow through. If he does it, leave him. Walk away. He'll want you back but my advice is to ignore him and stay single.
You are better off without any man who puts you through this kind of pain. Relationships are not supposed to be like this. Once you find a decent man who treats you with some dignity and respect you'll wonder why you stayed with him for so long.
Good Luck!! xx
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