A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My problem is my boyfriends female friend who has tried everything possible to break us up. The first time I went out with them she got ontop of my boyfriend and tried to kiss him. The second time I went out with them she pecked him on the lips about 10 times in a row. BTW my boyfriend thought there was nothing wrong with this.She has a lot of times gotten ontop of him(sitting on his front end) again he thought this was fine. She has also told other women to crack onto him and has spread vicious lies behind my back.I have tried to accept and put up with it, but I can't. He doesn't want to believe she is trying to break us up. How can I make him see that what he allows her to do is breaking my heart? How can I make him see that sticking up for me and our relationship is really important to me? How can I make him see that she is trying to break us up? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 December 2009):
Sounds to me like he's the problem, not her. Yes, she might be making all the moves, but your boyfriend isn't doing anything to stop it. I think you'll find he more than enjoys the attention she gives him, then the attention you give him to make her stop. Get rid of him and find someone worthy of you. He won't change, he's too selfish.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y +, writes (7 December 2009):
 Females who behave like this are just plain painful, however, it's really up to your boyfriend to tell her to just get off of him. You shouldn't have to point out that he's behaving badly by encouraging this stupid girl, and he probably knows it anyway. I would try to explain to him how disrespectful it is towards you, and I would also tell him that next time it happens you will dump him if he doesn't do anything to stop it. That's a lot harder than it sounds I know, but if he really cares for you he'll take it on board and tell her to stop mauling him. On top of that, perhaps you should outright ask her, in front of other people, why she behaves like an excited dog around him and point out that if he was interested in her he wouldn't be going out with someone else. Put him in an awkward situation where he has to choose who to take sides with. She may react with spiteful comments, but all that will do is highlight what a troublemaker she is. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (7 December 2009):
I have been in your situation before.
If there is one thing I learnt, it is that it is easy to blame the other girl and have anger towards her, rather then have those horrible feelings towards your bf. But the truth is, your bf is responsible for how HE behaves and what he accepts from other people and how he sets boundaries. You and him can not control this other girl or any girl. Although what this girl is doing is completely wrong and disrespectful, you have no control over 'external influences' in your relationship. All you cna do is control yourself and your bf himself.
So you need to start looking at it from tht point of view.
Your bf has a responsibility to you and your relationship to set some clear boundaries. But the thing is he doesnt realise what he is doing is disrespect and not healthy to your relationship.
You ask how can you make him see this is important to you for him to stand up for you....the fact that you need to MAKE him see that way just shows how you deserve better than a bf like that. Honestly, any decent bf wouldnt allow for another girl to do those things to him, and he would stand up for you and his relationship. But your bf thinks it is acceptable behaviour. Let him go. If the roles were reversed and a guy was cracking onto you...most likely he would feel just like you do right now.
He probably knows what he is doing is wrong, but he cares more about the temporary ego boost this girl gives him. Remember this is not about you, its about him. People who need that kind of 'ego boost' are never satisfied in a real relationship because despite how much love and affection their parnters give them, it will never be enough.
You need to ask yourself why you are putting up with this?
I know you love him, but that is not enough to make a relationship work. Do you realise you deserve better tha nthis? Do you know tht better does exist?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I think you make him see that the next time you are with the two of them and she gets on top of him, you grab your coat and go and don't look back.
Break up with him, he doesn't respect you and his girlfriends resenht the time you take away from them, the guy is a narcissist and he is only out for himself and the attention he so desperately needs.
You can't make him see anything, you have talked about it with him and it has gotten you no where. He doesn't care how you feel about it, so do yourself a favor and leave the relationship.
If he crawls back to apologize, set firm boundaries, he no longer has contact with the girl who is smacking him on the lips and being disrespectful to your relationship, no texts, emails, phone calls, outings or social websites, she is out of his life. It is her or you. Guess what he won't do it, he doesn't want to.
Find a guy who is not so full of himself
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