A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI recently met a guy and we went out a 3 times. I asked him if he is interested and he said yes. He asked me the same and I answered yes. He told me that I did not show him that. I was surprised becuase I thought I had showed him enough. My question is how can I show him that I care and love him without having sex because I think It's early to have sex now.He seems nervous or maybe shy with me because he almost talk only when I talk. But when he is with other especially girls then he is very talkative and flirty. With me he is quite and that disturbs me.Anyhow, how can I improve our relationship without being needy. Another question, Shall I let him phone me first or shall I do it? Please give me some advice!
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Three dates is not enough time to "love" someone. You two need to get to know each other better than that.
If he's saying you need to "show" him something, how about he shows you how interested he happens to be in the things that matter to you? Maybe he can tell you things that matter to him?
Until the two of you start talking about what matters to each other, outside of the obvious -- sex -- you're never going to know each other enough. Right now you're barely acquainted much less anywhere near friends.
How would you know this guy any better first? And why is sex that important on the 3rd date?
To me, sex alone without the emotional connection is just about meaningless. In fact, its less than that. Maybe its okay if you want sex for the sake of having it. But if he wants to be in a relationship with you, I think its important for the two of you to have a lot of emotional and intellectual intimacy beforehand.
Without that, how can you even have trust between you? That is, if you barely know each other.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 When he told you that you didn't 'show' him that you were interested, did you ask him what he meant? I don't want to assume too much but there are guys out there that will make you feel guilty for not being physically intimate with them. Don't let that happen.
If you have gone out with him 3 times, if you enjoy his company and you're enjoying the time you're spending with him...that to me shows you're interested in him...and any sane guy would know that.
I almost have a feeling that he's looking to start a physical relationship with you before you are ready. Don't do it. You are right...it is too early to have sex with him.
How do you improve your relationship? You have only been out 3 times, he needs to prove that he's not only after one thing. What you need to do is let him ask you out, let him make an effort. I know some people won't agree with this but letting the guy do a bit of 'chasing' at the beginning will protect you and your feelings. If he keeps asking you out and not wanting sex in return you will be able to start trusting him and in that way build a relationship.
3 dates is nothing...you and him both need time. And you can't show him that you love him after 3 dates...you can only show him you're interested in getting to know him better. If he's not secure enough then that's not your problem. You don't need a man who you will need to reassure all the time how you feel about him.
As for phoning, I let the guy phone me first when I'm just getting to know him. Don't ever think that because you don't phone he will think you don't like him. Guys don't think like that. If he wants to talk to you or ask you out he will make the effort. If you find that you have to do all that then he's not that interested or he's not getting what he wants.
So, it's only been 3 dates, let the guy pursue you. Don't call him, ask him out or start arranging dates. Don't sleep with him just yet. Let him show you that he's interested in you, and no, him saying he is interested makes no difference...he has to show you. How? By asking you out, by calling you, by respecting your boundaries, by wanting to get to know YOU. And don't ever let a guy make you think you're not showing your interest by not doing one thing or another for him. If you're spending time with him, that is interest. Just take your time and let him show you by his actions he wants a relationship with you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): The shyness in natural. I'm always dead quiet around girls I fancy or have just started dating. It'll pass.
As for showing him that you like him, well just be affectionate without getting TOO physical for the time being. A spot of kissing and hugging is fine though.
And since he's still feeling uncertain about your interest in him, I'd suggest you phone him first this time.
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