A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have this on and off again sexual relationship with a guy who recently became my friend on Facebook. His actions are really confusing. Sometimes he shows he wants to see me again and then doesn't follow through. When we are around each other everything is cool, physically and we make each other laugh. I know where I stand in his life but, how do I make him want more? I've decided not to put the effort in this time. I don't call or text like I used to. It's clear he's happy with the friends with benefits but... How do I make him want me as a girlfriend? Does he wonder why I'm not up his ass this time? I've heard of situations where friends with benefits becomes a relationship. I've made men wait in the past and wait they did and then months later found out they were an asshole or cheating on me when I didn't give it up. I don't make this friend with benefits priority. Every now and then when I want to see him he'll make himself available to me. How do I get him to want me and put the effort in?
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female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 friends with benefits can absolutly become more. That's how me and my bf started and now we've been together nearly 2 years and planning on trying for a baby. I agree it's rare but it's not impossible.
However, you can't 'make' someone want to be with you and you can't play games either, it'll just get you down. Let him know what you're thinking and then the ball's in his court. If he doesn't want anymore than fwb then don't go along with that just because you'd rather have something with him than nothing at all. You'll only end up hurt in the long run.
A
female
reader, foxy7727 +, writes (9 January 2011):
 I'm in the same boat kinda. My fwb of like 3 years ya long time has changed this time around. I knew were I stood n the past but recently he started taking me to meet his friends and taking me to the bar and paying for everything and meeting some of his fam. I got confused and seeing him in a diffrent setting made me start to have feelings for him. But this doesn't end well.u see I stayed w him last night and we had sex as we usually did and before we fell asleep I asked him wher we stood. Was it the same rules that applied before . And he siad like u do ur thing and I do mine I agreed and he tells me ya but explains if it turns into more later on then that's great but I think he def was leaning to he likes what we have and we fill eachothers needs. Which we do and were needy people but then he tells me he doesn't kno what he wants he lives life day by day. Idk y the sudden change in him but I assured him that was fine w me I just wanted to kno wher we stood. It wasn't to occward and I'm glad I asked but now its hard to just be fwb when I like him now so I'm thinking of ending it I'm going to give it a couple more months and it is what it is. But trust me theese r right a fwb doesn't stand much chance of being more. Me and my fwb have the best times but he doesn't see me as a future wife he sees me as he quick fix which is what I agreed to and as did u. U see where I'm going w this. Best wishes for u tho and good luck:)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): Why do women who agree to a FWBs type relationship complain later on when they want to change the rules and the guy doesn't? If you don't like the way the relationship is and want to get out of it, that is fine but don't make him out to be a bad guy because he doesn't want to change the relationship rules.
Tell him you no longer want to be in that type of relationship with him and you want more. If he says he doesn't want to change the rules then you hav two choices. Continue as is or end the relationship. It's simple.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): You can't "make him" want more because he's already getting what he wants. Sex.
This is not me trying to be hurtful but i hate seeing girls getting hurt time and time again from these FWB things. Lets get one thing clear. FWB do not exist, that's right FRIENDS do not have sex. Ever.
To him, you are an attractive girl who he enjoys sleeping with but you are not, in his eyes, girlfriend material. If you were, he would be asking you out on a real date, not just sleeping with you when it's convenient.
I know how it hurts to wish somebody felt more for you but sometimes you just have to accept things for what they are. I suggest you tell him how you feel and if he tells you he doesn't feel the same, stop sleeping with him because giving him sex isn't going to make him feel more for you if he doesn't already.
I hope you can sort things out, whatever happens but please don't get your hopes up because it doesn't seem like this guy sees you as a potential girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): "I've heard of situations where friends with benefits becomes a relationship" Really? Because I'm the same age and I haven't because it's just exceptionally rare.
What's so confusing about his actions? You're his booty call, that whole sometimes he acts like he wants you thing is called being horny and in the mood for a shag.
You can't make him want more because he doesn't want more. If he did he would have dated you not just used you as a booty call.
If you want more then stop the sex, ask him out and see if he still wants to know you or if he just wants sex.
You see he's not going to want anymore from you because he's already getting what he wants and that's just sex, if you take that away then if he really wants you then he won't run for the hills.
Something tells me you won't though, I have a feeling you'd rather be his plaything than nothing at all.
Best of luck, in my opinion you're going to be very disappointed when you realize there is nothing you can do to make him want you and also that all this time you've been giving him what he wants when you've wanted more, hoping he would even though he made it clear from the start what the deal was and you even state you know exactly where you stand.
You see you're not in one of those really, really rare situations where it turns into a relationship. He doesn't want you that way. You see when it does work out both people start to have feelings, both people just naturally start spending more and more time together and making more of an effort. In your case it's only you that wants this, he doesn't. And in the next few weeks and months you're going to get more and more pissed off that he hasn't changed his mind.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Why would you settle yourself for just a friend with benefit? Why do you have this belief that you feel so true that by giving sex he will fall for you and be his girlfriend? I am sorry I am not trying to annoy you but I guess it is time for you to think clearly here and not too much be needy.
Wouldn't it be nice to feel if you will allow him to profess to you, pursue you, and let him do the effort to earn you?
Just be yourself and enjoy his company but don't be eager too much to make him know how much you want him. Be a lady, gentle and caring, loving and understanding but don't use sexuality to manipulate him, it won't work.
Be it known, to make a man love you are by placing high value to yourself. A woman who is not needy, confident and strong is the attributes men like.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Simple stop meeting up with him and having sex, he is getting his cake and eating it therefore why would he want a commitment. I very rarely hear of friends with benefits turning in to a relationship as it normally doesnt work that way.
You need to tell him how you feel, be open and honest with him tell him you are looking for commitment and ask him how he feels you will get the truth then.
Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (9 January 2011):
 There is no such thing as friends with benefits!! Stop giving it away!! He will never want you as a girlfriend because you are easy to bed. Move on, and don't sleep with men who don't want a commitment.
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