A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please advise me on what to do -I met this guy a couple of weeks ago who told me that he really liked me. I completely believed him and like him too so one night while drunk I slept with him way quicker than I normally would. Since then this has happened a couple more times. At first I said that I didn't want a casual relationship and he seemed to understand and reassured me that he liked me. However, he did not mention anything about a relationship and still hasn't.. so I'm concerned that this is turning into a casual relationship!When we are together he treats me just as a b/f would - we cuddle, joke, talk about things, have a great time together. Its really great and I'm just tempted to continue this as it is...at the same time, the old expression is, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.. I dont want to get hurt. I dont necessarily want a long term thing, but no matter how long or short the "relationship" is, I want security of knowing that at least for now, I'm his #1. So what should I do? I feel like its too early for me to demand a relationship (since we've know each other a couple of weeks) but at the same time, I'd rather just be friends without benefits if he really has no interest in one. I'm going to see the guy on Sat night... what and how can I say that will let him know where I stand without scaring him off or making me seem to demanding, needy and insecure?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): Well, that's really all you need to tell him. I think he'll get the picture!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like a possible relationship with him but I don't know how to say it to him b/c I don't want him to be pressured into one. He's young, he just moved to my city a couple of months ago, if he doesn't want to be tied down with someone then I understand where he's coming from and want him to do whatever he wants. If he likes me enough to want to date me exclusively, then great. So yea, basically, I just want to let him know that I veto FwB but how the relationship progesses at this point is up to him..
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): Whether that's ok or not depends where you want to take this. If you told me that, I'd perhaps think that you never wanted sex with me again and I'd just be a friend with no hope of anything further, but we'll still chat to each other at the bar - and thanks for the memory!Like I said before, if you want to make an eventual relationship of it, tell him you need to slow down a bit and if he still hangs around he's interested.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks uncle phil.. it was actually four times. When I see him next, I will tell him that I think he's really nice and I enjoy his company and spending time with him very much however, as much as I like him, I still don't want to do friends with benefits or casual, so maybe its just better if we were friends.. Will that be okay?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): You jumped into bed with him rather quickly as you admit. In two weeks you've had three bonks on different occasions. I'd call that casual. Obviously he likes you - he bonked you!
I think you need to keep your knees together for a while (no doggy fashion either) and if he wants something more than casual he'll still be around in a month's time. If all he's after is the bonking he won't hang around too long. Just tell him you need to slow down a bit and get to know each other better - which is what you should have done before getting into bed with him the second and third times.
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female
reader, michele21 +, writes (7 November 2008):
 well have you heard the saying honesty is the best policy?? thats all you need to do just be up front with him let him know where you stand if he feels the same then its all good if not than the worst you could be is just friends....you seem to be getting along and like eachother soo just be honest....
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