A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need help I got myself into a really stupid situation by trying to rush into something even though I wasn't sure if it would work. Basically this guy i went out with likes me again and was asking my friends to find out if I liked him and i thought I might but i didn't really want to be in a relationship so I told them to tell him that. So now he knows I like him and he keeps asking my friends when he should ask me out. But I started talking to a guy that I previously fancied and now I have really fallen for him, but I can't tell my school friends that because they will think I've been completely out of order to the first guy, which is true.I don't care if the second one doesn't like me, but I need to let the first guy down really gently because I've hurt him before, and really didn't mean to be so stupid. Someone please give me some suggestions on what I can say to the first guy, and maybe the second as well. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): How about having a private conversation with him and being honest, telling him what you have told us. I don't know how many people that makes but he probably isn't one of the people reading this site. Although he could be. Get it straight and if you are confused but want him to leave you alone, then say so. It doesn't make you a bad person, as things change and you can get to like someone else later.
Maybe with the second one, leave it and see if he approaches you.
A
male
reader, tabbycat +, writes (3 July 2009):
You sound like a really sensitive and psychologically minded young person. Your situation isn't stupid, it's something everyone will probably face one way or another. You went out with the first guy for a reason, you liked him, but that doesn't always mean you like to be in a relationship with him. Telling him you like him again might need to be more specific, and in person, not through your friends. Of course he will think you are trying to get him to ask you out again, but don't fret, it can be dealt with.
Your feelings are your own, and not your friends' to be manipulated for their own supposed moral/ethical standards, especially if you seem to be sensitive to other people's emotions.
If you anticipate others' responses too much in life you will always make decisions that won't work not just for you but for all involved. Stop communicating to guy no. 1 through your friends. Ask to see him in person and calmly and tactfully explain that you still like him as a friend and would be honored to have him in your life, and whatever way he reacts is up to him, you have been honest.
You have a crush on guy no. 2 and that is nice, luckily you seemed to have matured in relationships already not to expect others to react the way we want them too, but just to enjoy the rush of falling in love, however briefly, it's normal and nothing to be ashamed of ifit doesn't work out.
Don't overreact in any situation. If guy no. 1 throws a strop or accuses you of being a tease, it's because his ego took a knock. Let the dust settle and try again, you might be surprised.
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (3 July 2009):
You need to get it sorted seperately. Learn from this, its never good getting your mates to 'say' how your feeling, if it was ever going to work its a lot better if you two talked personally rather than playing the game.
Be honest about your feelings, tell him that yes you did like him but it doesnt feel the same and you know words wont help it but you felt you had to be honest with him as you wanted to avoid hurting him. Unless you word it right youll leave him in false hope so be firm fair and kind.
He deserves to know so show him the respect with your honesty. As for the second guy tell him that yes you know your taking a risk but you really like him and want something to work, the second will come a lot easier than the first. Be really careful with your emotions, i wouldnt jump straight in sort your head out first.
Dont blame yourself for feeling the way you do! its something you cant control. Dont worry about your mates either, if they were actual mates theyd be happy if you were.
Best of luck
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