A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing someone for about 10 months. About 7 months or so into the relationship, while I was away for about a month, he told me that he spoke with his ex-girlfriend (used to be long distance) and was upset that she was seeing someone new. This totally caught me by surprise, and my instincts immediately told me that he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend. Therefore, when I returned back, I had serious doubts about where our relationship was going. When I returned, instead of separating from me, he clung on to me even tighter. He said he cut her off and that he wanted to be with me and only me. So I pushed my instincts aside and believed him. A month or so later, he tells me that he's confused about his life. He's undergoing career changes and says he's not ready to be in a relationship. I was hurt, but respected his wishes. We didn't talk for a week, and then he calls me one day, upset, telling me that he needs me. I knew he still had issues with missing his ex-girlfriend as well. We don't "officially" get back together, but we continue seeing each other, and feelings develop even more. To make a long story short, I one day find out that his ex-girlfriend drove up to see him. The moment I found out, I gave up, I couldn't deal with it anymore, I didn't want to involve myself in this twisted love triangle anymore. When I confronted him, he said that he loved us both and asked me not to leave him. If I had known it would go this far, I wouldn't have gotten so involved, but instead I stupidly ignored my own instincts and ended up hurting myself. I told him not to contact me anymore and cut off all contact. A month later, he calls me, telling me he misses me. And that after seeing her, he realizes that he was in love with a figment of imagination and that he can confidently say that he doesn't want to be with her. I stupidly allow him to come back into my life and everything he does is perfect. He really convinced me that it wasn't an issue anymore and I really believe him. I thought that maybe I could actually get back together with him, but the other day I asked him about what happened between him and his ex and he admitted that the slept together. I was still mad from before, but now I am boiling. Yes, I know that we weren't together at the time so he didn't do anything wrong. But when I think about how he used to sleep with her and then he slept with me and then he slept with her and now he's sleeping with me again, it absolutely disgusts me. I can't tell if this time, if it will truly be different. Yes, circumstances are different, but based on history, is it possible that this is just his true character/personality? Will his actions just always be a reflection of how he believes the grass is always greener on the other side? He says that I am causing myself to feel this way. Sometimes I can believe that but at the same time sometimes I feel like I'm just stupidly buying into his words again.
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ex girlfriend, get back together, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): He's definitely not bf material. Not only is he a liar, manipulator and cheat, but he's all over the place with his emotions and is clueless to what he wants in a woman. Use your pass and go card on him and don't stop until you cross a man who's grounded, honest, sure of himself and what he wants in a woman and will respect you to your core. The poor guy's a woman's disaster just don't let him be yours. No way.
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (13 April 2011):
 This guy seems to be trying to have his cake and eat it too. You really don't seem like the kind of lady who is okay with a man who's trying to decide between you and another girl, especially if part of that decision includes sleeping with both of you.
You deserve a man who is completely sure he wants to be with just you, and a man who has the respect for you to end it if he isn't sure. I know you care a lot for this guy, and I know it may hurt you to part, but you deserve to be treated better than this. Take it from a lady who's been in a similar place. Walk away and don't look back. Ever.
Best of Luck
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