A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been married for nearly 17 yrs most of this has been unhappy. I have two children from previous marrige who are grown up and don't live with me. Two children from this marrige. My parents are both dead and as I was an only child I have no one else. Hubby has turned the children against me, used all my money, has me living over 200 miles from where I had friends and refuses to move back. For the past 3 plus years I have lived here I have no one and now no money either. Before I met him I had a home, my kids and was quite independant. He had nothing and still lived with his mom at 27. I have tried numerous times over the years to end things and asked him to go but he won't. How can I go and where with no money all my parents things and the only things that love me my dogs? Inside i'm breaking my heart but have to keep being strong why well that's because there is only me and no one else.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Speak to an lawyer to find out exactly what your rights and responsibilities are. Here in canada many offer a free half hour consultation. You may find the same there. Make the most of it by having your questions handy.
Get in touch with some of your old friends and fasmily if you can. It doesn't hurt to try.
As kc suggests, contact a local church or women's group.
The benefits are two fold. One, you taking steps to finally have the life you want. And two, each step you take helps rebuild your confidence in yourself.
While you're doing all that take up a hobby, get in shape, go for regular walks, do volunteer work once a week. Do anything that brings you any sort of happiness. That too will help build confidence and it will make the difficult times easier to bear.
You have far more power here than you realise.
A
male
reader, freeme  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Great advice from Annalisa and K_C100. I would start by going to a church, and looking for a support group, or a clergy member you can speak with. Move forward with K_C's suggestions from there. If you don't already attend a church, might I suggest you look for a larger congregation.
You simply cannot leave without any money. I would hope you would find some spiritual rewards from the church, but if nothing else, you may meet some new people, and find new opportunities for yourself.
This is a very personal statement, but in my opinion, if you give yourself and your problem to God, he will guide you to a solution. (But you gotta hold up your end, so listen to K_C100).
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A
female
reader, kimberlynn +, writes (17 June 2011):
You need to call a lawyer to sort this out.
In the meantime, you NEED to get a job, even if it's something part-time- so that during the divorce process and after the fact you can survive on your own.
Check out craigslist for people seeking roommates. You may be able to work out some kind of payment arrangement on the down. It will be affordable for you, and a chance for you to make some friends outside your marraige. Then you can move out, get a lawyer, and get the divorce process going.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Could you get any help from your grown up kids? Have you got a job? If not - that is the first place you need to start, get a job and get earning some money! If you have a job, then there is no reason why your husband should be taking your money, just get a new bank account and dont tell him, then have your wages paid in there. Dont have paper statements and ask the bank for online statements only - then he can never find out.
How about your friends where you used to live? Would they be able to help?
If there is no-one to help then your plan of action should be as follows:
1. Get a job (if you dont already have one).
2. Set up a seperate bank account that your husband does not know about or have access to, and have your wages paid into it.
3. Save up as much money as you can each month, until you have enough for a deposit on a flat/house to rent.
4. Seek help from a divorce lawyer and find out what your options are if he wont agree to breaking up. I'm sure you can start legal proceedings regardless of he wants it or not, the problems would just arise when it comes to him signing papers etc. But at least if you got the ball rolling then you would show him you are serious.
5. Once you have enough money for a deposit, and a little extra to get yourself sorted in a flat/house - then look for a job back in the town/city where your friends are.
6. Once you have found a job back in that town/city, look for a house or flat to rent.
7. Then move!
I know it seems like a lot of hard work and it will take a while, you cannot simply move out overnight - but it will be worth it. If you really are so unhappy then a few extra months wont be too difficult because you know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Renting is not too expensive, you just need to research the area you want to live in and how much you would need for a deposit - you can even find a fully furnished places if you are worried about furniture etc.
As long as you have your own job and bank account then quite simply, you can do anything you want. Yes it might take a while to save up, but be patient, cut back on any luxuries and save save save, a deposit for a rental property wont be too much money so you will be able to do it in a few months relatively easily. Then you can move back to the town you want to be in, and you will be free of your husband. Even if he never agrees to the divorce, he cant stop you leaving the house and renting somewhere on your own. You might be technically married but if you have left him, it is his own problem if he cannot accept it.
Be strong, get yourself sorted out financially and then the rest will follow - if you want to leave then he cant stop you, but its you that has to take the first step rather than waiting for him to move out as that looks highly unlikely.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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