A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My mom tells me I'm "too guarded." My ex-boyfriends will say that I'm not bad at love - I'm just bad at being vulnerable. And I know that they're right.For a lot of reasons that probably make sense if you look at my past, I can be very friendly on a superficial level, but developing truly intimate relationships is difficult for me (romantic and otherwise). It takes a long time, and it's something I rarely do. I don't like being vulnerable, I hate being wrong, and I can't stand not to be in control of my world.To be honest, I disagree with my mom that this is such a bad thing - I think it makes me smart and it keeps me from getting hurt. But I'm also able to recognize that it can cause problems in dating; it makes it difficult for me to connect with new guys. I'm single and 28, and I'm at a point where I feel like this is something I need to address. With that in mind, I'm looking for advice. What does one do to learn to allow oneself to be placed in situations of vulnerability, to surrender control, etc.?
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female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Being guarded isn't a bad thing, as you said it stops you from being hurt. Be guarded at the start of the relationship and then, as the relationship starts to progress you will have to trust your partner. I can't explain how to do this, when you meet the right partner you will let your guard down automatically. X
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