A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband told me before me we married that he does not look at porn, but about 6 months ago I caught him at it, and he admitted he has been doing it throughout our 2 year marriage. When we were dating, he couldn't keep his hands off me and wanted to have sex alot. He also regularly told me I was beautiful. I have gained about 20 lbs. He doesn't want sex very often, but when he does, it is very mechanical and not very romantic. How in the world can he find me attractive when he sees those thin, beautiful women all the time. When we have sex, I am constantly thinking that he is fantsizing about them. I'm ashamed to even show my body and make sure the lights are off when I undress. Is this just part of life?You get older, your body goes south, and your man no longer finds you attractive? Should I just learn to look at sex as a physical pleasure only, with no love involved? I love him and I believe he loves me, but how can I learn to live with knowing that he doesn't find me attractive? Is that even important?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (14 August 2009):
 He needs to stop looking at porno queens and start focusing on the real woman that wants him. A little porn spices things up. A lot of porn is an addiction.With all the porn he's been looking at its desensitized him to normal sexual activities. He probably has found his sexual niche, that is the things he wants to do with you. But he's afraid to tell you because you might call him a freak.20 lbs is not a lot of weight to gain, and you could lose it if you really wanted to. But the real issue here is that he needs to stop looking at porn.The best way to handle this is to start making him spend more time with you and make him do more things that you used to do together when you dated.Gently remind him of all the things that attracted him to you when you decided to get married.If all else fails, throw the computer away or kick him out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): I have to admit I feel the same...
Why make effort that takes a lot of time and sacrifice and sweat when men still look at other women?
They do. Whether you look good or bad...
I sometimes feel they go to a lot of trouble to get you. Then you are married and have kids or whatever. And they have their safe zone, where they are looked after and snug in a family unit.
And now they have all the time in the world to pursue their fantasies (which is NOT you who they are with, by the way). But because it is all in the mind, it seems to be accepted. So they can disconnect from you very easily. Slip into fantasy to get aroused. Help themselves, or use you to relieve themselves the case may be. And then continue to live real life.
Not quite getting why we women are so hurt by it all...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): yes and then men wonder why women dont try like they used to. Wives start getting around in sweatpants and no make-up. Guys , you want to know the truth about why this happens....? the truth is, when we do try it doesnt take us long to work out that nothing we do will stop you always looking at something younger or new...so why the hell should we bother....No matter what a woman does....her man will always be more interested in something newer when it walks by...even if only for a few seconds.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Anonymouse wrote;
I look at porn, but there is no women on this planet that I would rather make love with than my lovely BBW, even with her massive C-section scar, her crows' feet and her grey hair.
If only she would believe how I feel about her and how attracted I am to her.
As a woman my question to you then is why look at porn if your wife does if for....why need something different...take phots of her for goodness sake or use your imagination. TO IMAGINE HER....
No wonder the porn woman doesnt believe shes attractive to you...YOUR ACTIONS PROVE YPOU WANT TO LOOK AT OTHER WOMENS BODIES! ahhhhh, an you guys say women are frustrating!
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 I agree with the first 3 posters. I think that you are imagining a problem which isn't really there. However, having said that, 20lbs is an awful lot of weight to gain in 2 years and it sounds as if you would be happier in yourself if you were to take action to lose some of it.
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A
female
reader, somebodyoutthere  +, writes (7 August 2009):
Trust your husband when he say he does love you and think you're beautiful.Porn is just, heck I don't know the word. It's just a hobby for guys, something to do when they don't have sex. A lot of guys will admit no matter how much sex they have, they STILL will jerk off to porn, it's completely normal, don't relate it to you.My boyfriend looks at porn and will jerkoff to it, I don't have a problem with it. I also do watch porn and I don't relate it at all to my boyfriend. It's just sexual pleasure, after all nobody can please you the best but yourself. Another thing too, they have their own fanasty, at LEAST he is not acting on it like (threesome, hot teacher, ect) it's all in his head and he's still with you faithfully. As long as porn DOESNT get in the way of sex, as he perfer to go jerk off than have sex then that's where he may be obsess with his porn, other than that, let it go!You ARE beautiful honey! Don't keep telling him that you feel unattractive because one day he may be sick of proving it to you he'll stop telling you that you are and you'll be hurt more than ever. Another thing, try to 'spice' it up in the bedroom, LEAVE the light on, get some new sexy underwear in the bedroom, guys REALLY don't notice how much you weight if they love you! ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): You women can be really frustrating sometimes. Just because you've put on weight or have a few more wrinkles doesn't mean we don't find you as attractive as we did, but if there is one thing that is a real passion killer, it's that typical female lack of confidence. That's the thing that makes women less attractive - when they start to think that they are less attractive. Then they start to be ashamed of their bodies, they dress like old women and don't relish getting naked with their man.I look at porn, but there is no women on this planet that I would rather make love with than my lovely BBW, even with her massive C-section scar, her crows' feet and her grey hair.If only she would believe how I feel about her and how attracted I am to her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): your too insecure and he was looking at porn while you were dating and for years before he met you. If you want to personalize that and let it destroy your attractiveness, that's all in your own head, not his. If he didn't think you were hot, he'd be the one turning the lights off. Your the only one that doesn't think your attractive so get over it and get a new attitude. sex slows down after the honeymoon period and its totally normal for guys to think of fantasy images when they are having sex with you and that ain't personal either, every guy does it.
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