A
female
 ,
*nlyMe101
writes:Does anyone know how to deal with a guy when he decides to back out of a realtionship? Why do they start to panic?We have been dating for over a year and we've had some great times, really great and I thought we were a great fit. We've also had some problems. We are both divorced, me for 10 years and he for 3 years.I am the only girl he has dated since his break up and he is panicking about it becoming serious and long term and doesnt know whether he wants all that again. He does fel like he's had any space and needs to work out who he is.Of course I'm heart broken. I'm trying to help him with this but dont want to let him go. I feel he doesnt want to let me go either but also doesnt want to get back on the bus with me!I know have more experiences but I cant make him see that the life of a divorcee is different to being married and that if he just calmed down about and relaxed and stopped panicking and analysing everything it would be okay.I think he has agreed to go on seeing me out of some sense of guilt. Do I give him space and risk loosing him or what?Or does anyone know any subtle plans for putting him and ease and making him see differently about me. I want to keep him ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): I personally think you are going about this all wrong. Being insistent and trying to change his mind against his will is only going to work against you. If someone out of nowhere tells you they don't want to be with you, your best bet is to believe what he is telling you and calmly and quietly walk away. If you had done that, he would have felt so bad and would have realised right then and there that he does love you. But when someone tells you they don't want to be with you and you don't show any sense of pride or any sense of believing him. I mean he says he is unsure and you don't even believe him and want to change his mind. If you loved him and trusted him you would believe him when he tells you how he feels and you would respect it right away. And that would show him that you are worth his time when you show people that you trust and respect them. But trying to change his mind is showing him that you have no trust in his judgement and in his opinions. You are only driving him further away. If you acted like you actually believe him and you respected how he feels and just walk away, he would have so much more respect for you. And your chances of him coming back to you would increase by a million.
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