A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting frustrated and need some help! I'm a sophomore in college and live at home even though I desperately want to move out. I can't study well here because my younger brothers are always loud and disregard me. My parents work a lot and I feel like I have so many things dumped on me. I'm taking one class right now and I try to see my boyfriend 3 or 4 times a week, but this is where my family and I clash. On the days I don't work I do homework, study, and chores before seeing my boyfriend. Then my mom will call and ask me to clean this, do that, etc. or to pick up my brothers or take them to their summer camp. I'm tired of cleaning everything when my brothers are 12 and 9 and could definitely help out more often! I don't even want to live here anymore but it's impossible to afford an apartment anytime soon. If I ever tell my mom that I feel overwhelmed she gets mad at me and says just because I'm in college doesn't mean I can't do my fair share of work. How can I possibly fix this situation? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Are you paying any kind of rent or helping out with the exspenses of living at home? Do you have a job?
If not, then thank your parents. You have a situation that gives you a lot of flexibility, but you are going to have to learn how to negotiate.
You SHOULD do your fair share.
Yes, your siblings ARE old enough to do more for themselves. How about teaching them? Learn to delegate some of the tasks. You are the oldest, you are put in charge of them when your parents are not around, right?
Your grades DO matter, so how about setting up a regular schedule for all your tasks, your freetime, your study time, etc. If you can promise your parents to not give them ANY grief when you are "working" for the family. You should not be a built in, last minute babysitter.
Write it down on a board and show your parents. The schedule needs to work for them too. Let them know you DO need quiet study time and free time. Schedule in a day off and KEEP IT. Set up "quiet hours" and have your parents back you up on that or go to the libray for study time.
Stop getting angry and start working smarter. NEGOTIATE with them days that you are the family assistant for cleaning and childcare. When it is your day off, do not stay home and turn off your cell. Be back for your family time exactly when you say you will be. Be balanced in all areas of your life, not just the ones that YOU want.
So, an example might be like this.
MON-STUDY IN AM/DATE WITH BF IN PM
TUES-FAMILY CHORES/DRIVE SIBS TO CAMP
WEDS-PERSONAL CHORES/STUDY IN PM
THURS-FAMILY CHORES/DRIVE SIBS TO CAMP
FRI-STUDY IN AM/DATE WITH BF IN PM
SAT-DATE WITH BF IN AM/FAMILY TIME IN PM
SUN-PERSONAL DAY OFF
If you can put in on paper, you can see where all your time goes and spread your time over the areas in your life that are important to you WHILE helping out your family.
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