A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, I have a problem that I'm not sure if it is a real problem or not!!My Fiancée and I have been dating for two years, living together for one year and getting married next year.He has just dropped it on me that he wants to go camping with his buddies and has suggested it to them.....now in general I don't have a problem with this BUT the following factors are making me think otherwise:1) He never goes anywhere with me or makes an effort to spend some QT with me unless I suggest it and pay for it2) He has a bit of an 'illegal' habit that I don't approve of, which he never does unless he is with these people3) He didn't intend on inviting me to go, when there is a strong possibility that there will be other couples there and maybe some single girls4) He used to go camping with the same crowd, AND he used to take his ex-girlfriend along yet I am not invited?5) He has a sex drive of next to nothing unless he has had alcohol which seems to turn him into a sex maniac and I am worried that he will be like this with other people when I'm not thereAm I wrong to try and stop him from going? I have no idea if I'm being out of order or not and really need some advise please!!!I'm rapidly running out of patience with this guy, yet I love him so much for some reason.I know you may think I don't trust him and I guess you're right....I trust him in a way that I know he would never cheat on me (unless intoxicated, then I have my doubts!) however, he has a horrible habit of lying to me about things that don't need to be lied about - which is why I struggle with trust.Please help folks!! :)xo xo
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI defend the guy because I love him and I think love is inexplainable, if I could give you a list of why I love him, surely they're reasons why I 'like' him? Maybe I'm wrong....
And maybe I am all those things (needy, clingy etc) which is why he treats me the way he does, I just wanted to get clarification off other people as to what they think because obviously I'm biased and going to think I'm right and he's wrong soooooo......
Thanks again guys, your comments are genuinely appreciated :)
xo xo
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 If you are going to commit to this person for the rest of your life, then be prepared you will be defending him every time someone asks why you are with this person.
You SHOULD know why you love someone without holding back.
You should not get married just because he proposed, makes you laugh, and owns a house. You have far more negative things than positive things there.
Add to the negative list *He calls you needy and clingy.
My guidance to those getting married-take everything you love about a person and cut it in half. Take everything you hate and double it. That is marriage in about 5-7 years.
Could you live with it if it got worse?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): I wouldn't stop him from going, but if i was you I'd set some guidelines about what you feel is ok in your relationship.
Guidelines for you, not for him.
You are not invited because you'd be a stick in the mud while they are all getting high and stoned.
Do you really want to be with a guy who values the drug more than you?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Original Poster, you said all these negative things about your man in your first post, and then you felt like you had to turn around and defend him when two people questioned why you're even in a relationship with this man.
It should be clear from your original post that he's loving, etc., but he certainly isn't. A man who spends quality time with his fiancee, treats her well, is mindful of her feelings, etc. would never do what you've described your fiancee as doing.
You don't know why you love him, but you just do? I don't think that's a good enough reason to marry someone. Think harder about this before you jump in too deep of water.
...............................
A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (27 June 2011):
no you are not wrong i would also try to stop him going if you don.t trust him there is no future between you.s as for the not spending any time with you that sounds to me like you are being used i have been in the same situation and once i broke up with him i felt so much better
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi both, thank you for taking the time to read and reply.To be honest, I have no idea why I love him I just know that I do!Aside from all the things I mentioned in my earlier post, he is great, we have a laugh etc and I know deep down he loves me, he's just really rubbish at expressing it!! He was in the army for 9 years so is very much a free spirit but on the other hand, he bottles his emotions up, I guess because they were taught to be 'tough' so I know that if he didn't love me he wouldnt have proposed, we wouldnt have moved in together and then moved to a bigger house.I worry that it's me that has the problem because he say's I'm needy and clingy and I was just wondering if I was having one of those moments or if I have a genuine reason to be upset by this.Thanks again guys :) xo xo
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): I agree with RedAthena everything i was going to say has been covered. I really don't think that there is any future in a relationship without trust and if he goes you will keep questioning him.
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 June 2011):
Why are you marrying this man?
*He does not spend any Quality Time with you.
*If you want to have some entertainment out with him, YOU take care of all the cost?
*He does something illegal that you do not approove of.
*You do not trust him
*He gets drunk and can not have passionate sex without alchohol.
*He lies
Why do you think YOU have the problem here?
WHY do you love him?
...............................
|
