A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is almost 25 and i am 26. We both haven't had sex yet. He goes mad sometimes when i say i don't want to go all the way, although, he apologises afterwards, and he has only gone mad about three times . However, i know he isn't just after one thing, as i know he loves me with other things he has done. He is also considerate when we do other intimate things. Although, sometimes when he has been angry, he has gone mad if he thought i haven't tried to something enough, so, for example, if i have tried something and only done it for a short amount of time. I think i need to build my confidence up really with intimate things, but i do love him with all my heart and i want to do these things with him. I just get nervous sometimes. He seems to be confident when he does intimate things though. There was one time recently though where we had both been drinking and we got pretty close to doing the full thing, but we didn't. it worries me when i think back to it really as i know it's not a good idea to do intimate things sometimes when you've been drinking. I think we both that , because we had been drinking, that we might have had more of a chance of going all the way. We both very rarely drink, so the alcohol did go to our heads pretty quickly. This happened after we had been on a night out . We've both said since though that it probably wasn't the best thing to do.He also says that he thinks about me a lot , and does something to himself when he thinks about me ( i dont want to be too graphic, but you know that i mean ). I have too !.I've heard that a lot of young men can be like that though, especially when they haven't had sex before. How can i improve my confidence about it ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): hi. well he buys me things sometimes, like, on my birthday, he bought me a bracelet, and once, we were in a shop, and i saw a necklace that i liked, but i didn't buy it. he went back into town the next day to go to the bank, but he also went to the shop we had been in and bought the necklace for me !. i wasnt with him when he bought it. i thought that was really thoughtful. also, last week for example i surprised him by telling him i was going to his house, and, as i was walking up the street towards his house, i saw that he was watching for me coming up to the house . he also went to the dentists with me once because i told him i was scared about going, and he offered to go to the doctors with me once, as i was also scared about going there. He also talks to me for hours on msn. and we recently went on holiday together. he also speaks to me on the phone if i am upset about something too. recently, i rang him late at night because i was upset and he had said he was going to bed, but he went back on msn to speak to me. he doesnt like to go out drinking very much, so we stay in watching dvds a lot, and we meet up a few times a week. and we have known each other for a few years, although, we havent been together all that time, but he did pursue me some of that time as well. he has spodylosis, i think that's how you spell it, so he doesnt like to go out too much.
he must be a virgin because we tried to get his private part into mine ( i still dont want to be too graphic ) but we couldnt get it in for some reason. and when he talks about sexual things, he doesnt use the proper words, like, for example, he feels shy about saying the names of private parts, or certain acts, e.t.c. neither do i , actually. and we have both laughed nervously sometimes when rude stuff has come on tv. although, i have wondered why he seems more confident about it than me. and when we had ahda drink that time, we said more stuf than we usually do when we do intimate things.
we did have a bath together once as well, so it's strange really, because i feel comfortable being naked infront of him, and doing other acts, but its just the intercourse part that i get nervous about. i think i worry about how much it is going to hurt, or about getting pregnant by accident. i love him enough to want to do that with him, but i just get nervous. i've always been a big worrier though. he says though that, if we did have intercourse, he would go slow and be gentle.
another thing that worries me is that he has a lot of female friends on his facebook page. i dont know why, but it kind of makes me feel uneasy. when we werent together, he used to flirt with this other girl that he liked before he met me, but when they flirted, it was more recent. he hasnt flirted with anyone since me and him got together as far as i am aware. i know this because i have looked through his messages sometimes. i know i probably shouldnt have, but i didnt like how he was when i wasnt with him, and just wanted to make sure that he wasnt doing that while we were together. i almost lost him to another girl once too, and that upset me too, but again, we werent together then. he said that he didnt have a proper girlfriend before he met me , though, and hasnt been with anyone since he met me. that othr girl i just mentioned was just someone he fancied but thye only knew each other briefly. he said he only wants to be with me and wants things to work out.
we have both said that we think we are well matched though. we are both usually quiet people, and, he is shy usually, although, we both have a good sense of humour as well and laugh at the same things. he tickles me a lot as well. he has said before that he would like to marry me someday, and i said that about him. we said someday because we arent in the right financial position to get married yet . and we said we'd like to have kids some day, obviously, when we can manage to have intercourse and when we are in the right position to have kids.
we have actually been together on and off for a few years, but more recently, we have been together for the last four months. it was partly because of me that we were on and off though too. i don't think i felt mature enough to have a relationship at the time. some things have improved recently to how they were before, but the only thing i get nervous about is intercourse.i would love to take the relationship to the next level but of course, i know it's a big step. he said he wants the same too.
I do thing that sex should only be with someone that you love. i don't necessarily think it should only be when you have got married, but, as long as you love the person, i think that's when you should do it. i hate people who have one night stands, personally, or just generally have sex with someone they dont care about.
A
male
reader, smile(:  +, writes (5 July 2010):
love is more than sex, how is the rest of your relationship? Is the someone you want to marry? I am religious and so believe that sex should be kept sacred for marriage; but you must make your own decisions.
Can you determine why you feel uncomfortable? Does he really love you or does he just want sex? Are you sure he is a virgin? How long have you been dating, and how long have you known each other?
I think there is probably a reason for your inhibitions. Figure out what you want, get yourself all in one place. What are your views on sex?(not his)
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