A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i know that my sister's relationship shouldn't really be anything to do with me, but im worried about her.she has been with her partner over 4 years, they live with eachother and was going to start trying for a baby. thing is her partner loves her but he wasn't there for her much, he use to go out and dont come back for ages, goes out without her all the time and never really takes her out. so she made a drunken mistake and slept with another boy (thats not like her at all) and im shocked she even done that... but now im realising that maybe he drove her to that by not being there for her much, she felt alone. now he has found out what she did and he may be breaking up with her for good, shes in pieces and wishes she could rewind what she did, now all she does is cry and i try to be there for her, but its hard as i have my own boyfriend and a baby on the way, now i also feel bad even mentioning my baby thats on the way because she wanted a baby more than anything, so i think maybe she is a bit mad that it happend to me and not her. the reason im writing this is because i want to make her feel better but i dont know how, i hate seeing her spending her nights alone crying while im happy as ever with my boyfriend. i have been there for her as much as i can but i also have to start thinking of me too.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 April 2010):
You are pregnant, and your priority is yourself. Your sister is paying the price for not talking to him and cheating. Though he may have drove her to it in your eyes, she could have tried to talk to him first, or she could have dumped him. You can't make your sister better, but maybe you can involve her a little bit in your own life so she has company. But the most important thing is that you put yourself first at this time. You are pregnant and need support and care, not worry. No disrespect to your sister, and I do appreciate that she was perhaps feeling down, but she brought this upon herself when she cheated. The lesson is don't cheat. Look after yourself during this time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Your sister is very lucky to have someone so sweet and caring in her life! This should be a time of joy and change for you, with a baby on the way, and all you can think about is shielding her and trying to protect. That's very empathetic and very self-sacrificing of you at a time when many women feel that the spotlight should be on them.First of all, you need to recognize what you can and can't do. You can be there for your sister, you can listen to her talk, and hold her when she cries, just like you have been doing. You can give her time to deal with the shock of all this. You can bring her little treats, and show her that you love her and support her and don't judge her (as I'm sure you're already doing). You can also watch out for signs of her becoming seriously mentally unbalanced, or depressed (long term I mean) by the situation. However, there are some things you can't do. You can't wave a magic wand and make the situation better, though I know you desperately want to. You can't take her pain away, or make her feel wonderful again. Only time can do that. You can't shield her from your pregnancy either - it's only going to become more and more obvious, and more and more a part of your life, as the months go on!! I am sure that, at the bottom of her heart, she is delighted that you are having a baby and excited for you. Even if she does sometimes feel a bit wistful, even jealous, that she's not having a child herself, you mustn't let that get in the way of you enjoying your pregnancy and the idea of being a new mum. She will deal with it, and get used to the idea! Maybe you should sit her down and talk to her about this. Tell her that you love her, and know she's having a hard time, but that you want to be able to share your excitement and your fears with her, and involve her with the new life that you will be bringing into the world. It might take her out of her own troubles for a bit if she gets to plan things with you. Finally, please remember that you also need to look after yourself. You can be there for your sister, but she is a grown woman and she does also need to learn to deal with this on her own. You may need to set some gentle but firm limits to the demands that she makes on your time. By all means, see her frequently, but limit your visits to a certain number of hours. If necessary, explain to her that you need time away too. Don't let anyone make you feel selfish for doing it. You can't take care of others if you're not well (mentally or physically) yourself. Being around someone 'in crisis' can be terribly draining, and being pregnant is also very tiring. Not only will you need some peace and quiet, and some time to prepare for your new arrival, but it is important that your sister gradually learns to be alone, and to stand on her own two feet again (always knowing she has a loving family around her to offer support when she needs it). Don't feel guilty that you are happy. You sound like a really caring, loving person who deserves all that she has.
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (13 April 2010):
 i am sorry your sister is going through this, but however drunken and unlike her it is, fact remains that she still cheated. he may have treated her badly - in which case it is probably for the best if they do split up as hopefully she can go on to find someone who treats her right and loves her the way she deserves. when this happens she can try for a baby with someone who deserves her.
in the meantime she is lucky to have a sister as caring as you. you need to focus on staying happy and healthy for your baby but support your sister as much as you can.
best of luck x
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