A
female
age
,
*annahlee
writes:I've been married to my husband (age 48)for 26 years and he has recently informed me that he "loves" me, but is "no longer in love" with me. (He actually said that he couldn't believe I didn't know that was how he felt. I told him I didn't get that memo.) I knew he was going through a stressful time with his job, and he seemed to want some space, so I backed off when it came to initiating sex. (Normally, we have sex about 4 times each week, but for the past few months it decreased to about once, maybe twice each week.)I tried to be nice and supportive to him while he was feeling down, especially once he said that he wants to just kill himself. I immediately started searching for some sort of mental health avenue to help him deal with that desire. In the meantime, he realized that this stress he was feeling was mainly about us, so that was when he ended up telling me he was no longer "in love". Since he spoke those words, his suicidal thought have diminished, although they are still there.At first I was extremely angry at him, but I knew deep down inside that I needed to be strong and stable so that he could get the support he needs during this time. Sometimes easier said than done, but I'm trying my best. About four days after his bombshell, he admitted to me that he recalled this past January a childhood experience of being (repeatedly) sexually molested by his grandmother. Interestingly, January is about when I noticed his changes.As far as our relationship goes, we have always been such good friends, and I hope to draw strength from that friendship to get us through these tough times. I guess I'm writing this with the hope of hearing other people's views and advice. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): First I am sorry you are going thru this. I can not put myself in your place but more husbands place lets see if I can explain from my feelings. I have been married 20 years and have grown in a different direction than my spouse. Though I go thru the motions I care about him, feel bad for him but am no longer in love with him. I have tried talking to him but he thinks I have changed he hasnt and cant which I guess is true. It is no ones fault we have just ended up in different places.
I can tell you by the sounds of it it ate away at your husband for awhile and I can attest it does take a toll on the person that is contiplating how to say those words to someone who was a major part of their life for so long. I can probably tell you he was worried about hurting you telling you this but by saying those words and knowing you are ok you can now both move on either seperately or in finding your way back together. Dont ignore what was said, you now need to talk to him and see what exactly his is thinking from here, does he want to find his way back to you do you want someone who loves you but really has no desire to be in love with you. I wish you luck.
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reader, no_issues +, writes (27 June 2008):
 He's a grownup, he needs to take care of this. If you realize your window is broken and something has been stolen from you, you might be crushed and everything but you dry your tears and call the window guy and the insurance lady and take care of your stuff.
If some part of your childhood is broken and you can't fix it yourself you call people who are good at that and ask them to help you. He needs to do that. Period.
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