A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my wife has just given birth our beautiful baby daughter and we are really happy. The thing is i'm back at work full time now and she is at home with the baby at the moment until the baby can go to a nursery and my wife will go back to work part time. She's 2 months old now and we have someone who come 3-4 times a week to help us and show us how to do things such as helping her to sleep through the night and getting her into a routine. The thing is we are trying to get her to be better with the sleeping at night as we have been told to leave her some of the time she crys, obviously she still wakes up as shes only young but we are trying to get it so it doesn't happen as often. Well its proving harder than we thought as getting her into a set routine is obviously alot of work and getting her to try and do things at certain times like sleep is causing a problem because its not what she normally does. Well this is tiring my wife out alot because although we're startng to get it under control my wife has alot to do herself like cleaning etc, shes very tired and can't rest at night becasue she just thinking she'll have to get up to see to our daughter any minute and she just can't relax. Obviously i try to help her but shes one of these people thats very hard to help and shes determind to do it. She's just so stressed at the moment and it s been bothing her that we never seem to have any time together because of this. How can i help?
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2007):
 Having children is a life changing event and even though it can be a very happy time, nobody can tell you beforehand just what it will be like when the baby arrives and how it will affect you and your partner...its a very tiring and trying time for you both.
As someone is coming to see you 3 or 4 times a week, I am guessing you have help from Homestart or surestart which is good and you need to maintain those contacts for future support.
Two months is a little early to be trying to get the baby to sleep at night. Some children dont sleep all night until they are a year to 18 months old and sometimes beyond this.
Its important to keep some structure to the day but getting into a strict routine is often impossible at such an early time. It builds unrealistic expectations of yourselves as parents and can make you feel like failures if you dont meet those expected goals. Try to accept that things will be unsettled for quite some time. Encourage your wife to get into the habit of sleeping when the baby sleeps, even if its for a few hours in the day. This will help top up her energy supplies and help her to cope more when the baby is wakeful at night.
You do not say how you are feeding the baby, but if your wife is breastfeeding, she needs to have the baby close to her at night (in a crib beside the bed is fine) so that she can just lift the baby to feed her without getting out of bed. Try to keep night feeds (even bottle feeds) very calm and quiet at night, keep lights low and noise to a minimum. This, over the months will let the baby know that nights are different to days. As soon as the baby drops off, lay the baby back in the crib and go back to sleep. If the baby is unsettled, it could be wind or the fact the baby just wants to suckle for comfort. It is fine to lay the baby down if she is still awake, she might whine for a little while before she settles, but you should never leave her if she is screaming or seems in distress.
Joining parents groups and going to mother and baby clubs (ask your health visitor for a list of local groups) will help you and your wife to meet other parents and share experiences. You will find thatother new parents are going through the same as you and your wife and this should help put things into perspective. Try not to worry too much about the housework. You may have to take on a few extra chores, like cooking dinner or doing some laundry until your wife is feeling a little more 'on top' of things, but just accept that these are part of being a dad.
Also try to arrange a baby sitter a couple times a month, someone you trust, like your mums. Take your wife out for a meal or drink in the pub or go see a movie, anything which gives you both a break from the baby. If your wife is breastfeeding, she could either feed the baby before she goes out, or could express some milk off for someone else to give to the baby.
If your wife is someone who likes to do everything, it may be that she is just feeling the massive weight of responsibility that having a baby brings. It can happen, that the mother becomes so involved with the baby, that she physically thinks that nobody else will do as good a job as her and she pushes away or blocks out all other help. Try talking to your wife about her feelings,or get someone she trusts to ask her how she feels. If you feel your wife is becoming very intense, over attentive to the point of obsession to the baby or suddenly loses total interest in the baby, it could indicate post natal depression. If this happens, speak to your GP or health visitor.
I just want to say at this point that I work in this field and also I had problems when my own children were new born. I hope this has been of some help to you and please contact me if you need any more help.
Good Luck
Aunty Em x
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2007):
Having children is a life changing event and even though it can be a very happy time, nobody can tell you beforehand just what it will be like when the baby arrives and how it will affect you and your partner...its a very tiring and trying time for you both.
As someone is coming to see you 3 or 4 times a week, I am guessing you have help from Homestart or surestart which is good and you need to maintain those contacts for future support.
Two months is a little early to be trying to get the baby to sleep at night. Some children dont sleep all night until they are a year to 18 months old and sometimes beyond this.
Its important to keep some structure to the day but getting into a strict routine is often impossible at such an early time. It builds unrealistic expectations of yourselves as parents and can make you feel like failures if you dont meet those expected goals. Try to accept that things will be unsettled for quite some time. Encourage your wife to get into the habit of sleeping when the baby sleeps, even if its for a few hours in the day. This will help top up her energy supplies and help her to cope more when the baby is wakeful at night.
You do not say how you are feeding the baby, but if your wife is breastfeeding, she needs to have the baby close to her at night (in a crib beside the bed is fine) so that she can just lift the baby to feed her without getting out of bed. Try to keep night feeds (even bottle feeds) very calm and quiet at night, keep lights low and noise to a minimum. This, over the months will let the baby know that nights are different to days. As soon as the baby drops off, lay the baby back in the crib and go back to sleep. If the baby is unsettled, it could be wind or the fact the baby just wants to suckle for comfort. It is fine to lay the baby down if she is still awake, she might whine for a little while before she settles, but you should never leave her if she is screaming or seems in distress.
Joining parents groups and going to mother and baby clubs (ask your health visitor for a list of local groups) will help you and your wife to meet other parents and share experiences. You will find thatother new parents are going through the same as you and your wife and this should help put things into perspective. Try not to worry too much about the housework. You may have to take on a few extra chores, like cooking dinner or doing some laundry until your wife is feeling a little more 'on top' of things, but just accept that these are part of being a dad.
Also try to arrange a baby sitter a couple times a month, someone you trust, like your mums. Take your wife out for a meal or drink in the pub or go see a movie, anything which gives you both a break from the baby. If your wife is breastfeeding, she could either feed the baby before she goes out, or could express some milk off for someone else to give to the baby.
If your wife is someone who likes to do everything, it may be that she is just feeling the massive weight of responsibility that having a baby brings. It can happen, that the mother becomes so involved with the baby, that she physically thinks that nobody else will do as good a job as her and she pushes away or blocks out all other help. Try talking to your wife about her feelings,or get someone she trusts to ask her how she feels. If you feel your wife is becoming very intense, over attentive to the point of obsession to the baby or suddenly loses total interest in the baby, it could indicate post natal depression. If this happens, speak to your GP or health visitor.
I just want to say at this point that I work in this field and also I had problems when my own children were new born. I hope this has been of some help to you and please contact me if you need any more help.
Good Luck
Aunty Em x
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 July 2007):
 If she is breast feeding have her put up a few bottles in the freezer so you can feed her on occasion. My husband would help me out on the weekends this way so I could get a nap or go shopping or whatever I felt like doing. The baby will settle into a schedule it's just a matter of time. Enjoy your baby, she won't stay little for very long.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2007):
Having children is a life changing event and even though it can be a very happy time, nobody can tell you beforehand just what it will be like when the baby arrives and how it will affect you and your partner...its a very tiring and trying time for you both.
As someone is coming to see you 3 or 4 times a week, I am guessing you have help from Homestart or surestart which is good and you need to maintain those contacts for future support.
Two months is a little early to be trying to get the baby to sleep at night. Some children dont sleep all night until they are a year to 18 months old and sometimes beyond this.
Its important to keep some structure to the day but getting into a strict routine is often impossible at such an early time. It builds unrealistic expectations of yourselves as parents and can make you feel like failures if you dont meet those expected goals. Try to accept that things will be unsettled for quite some time. Encourage your wife to get into the habit of sleeping when the baby sleeps, even if its for a few hours in the day. This will help top up her energy supplies and help her to cope more when the baby is wakeful at night.
You do not say how you are feeding the baby, but if your wife is breastfeeding, she needs to have the baby close to her at night (in a crib beside the bed is fine) so that she can just lift the baby to feed her without getting out of bed. Try to keep night feeds (even bottle feeds) very calm and quiet at night, keep lights low and noise to a minimum. This, over the months will let the baby know that nights are different to days. As soon as the baby drops off, lay the baby back in the crib and go back to sleep. If the baby is unsettled, it could be wind or the fact the baby just wants to suckle for comfort. It is fine to lay the baby down if she is still awake, she might whine for a little while before she settles, but you should never leave her if she is screaming or seems in distress.
Joining parents groups and going to mother and baby clubs (ask your health visitor for a list of local groups) will help you and your wife to meet other parents and share experiences. You will find thatother new parents are going through the same as you and your wife and this should help put things into perspective. Try not to worry too much about the housework. You may have to take on a few extra chores, like cooking dinner or doing some laundry until your wife is feeling a little more 'on top' of things, but just accept that these are part of being a dad.
Also try to arrange a baby sitter a couple times a month, someone you trust, like your mums. Take your wife out for a meal or drink in the pub or go see a movie, anything which gives you both a break from the baby. If your wife is breastfeeding, she could either feed the baby before she goes out, or could express some milk off for someone else to give to the baby.
If your wife is someone who likes to do everything, it may be that she is just feeling the massive weight of responsibility that having a baby brings. It can happen, that the mother becomes so involved with the baby, that she physically thinks that nobody else will do as good a job as her and she pushes away or blocks out all other help. Try talking to your wife about her feelings,or get someone she trusts to ask her how she feels. If you feel your wife is becoming very intense, over attentive to the point of obsession to the baby or suddenly loses total interest in the baby, it could indicate post natal depression. If this happens, speak to your GP or health visitor.
I just want to say at this point that I work in this field and also I had problems when my own children were new born. I hope this has been of some help to you and please contact me if you need any more help.
Good Luck
Aunty Em x
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2007):
Having children is a life changing event and even though it can be a very happy time, nobody can tell you beforehand just what it will be like when the baby arrives and how it will affect you and your partner...its a very tiring and trying time for you both.
As someone is coming to see you 3 or 4 times a week, I am guessing you have help from Homestart or surestart which is good and you need to maintain those contacts for future support.
Two months is a little early to be trying to get the baby to sleep at night. Some children dont sleep all night until they are a year to 18 months old and sometimes beyond this.
Its important to keep some structure to the day but getting into a strict routine is often impossible at such an early time. It builds unrealistic expectations of yourselves as parents and can make you feel like failures if you dont meet those expected goals. Try to accept that things will be unsettled for quite some time. Encourage your wife to get into the habit of sleeping when the baby sleeps, even if its for a few hours in the day. This will help top up her energy supplies and help her to cope more when the baby is wakeful at night.
You do not say how you are feeding the baby, but if your wife is breastfeeding, she needs to have the baby close to her at night (in a crib beside the bed is fine) so that she can just lift the baby to feed her without getting out of bed. Try to keep night feeds (even bottle feeds) very calm and quiet at night, keep lights low and noise to a minimum. This, over the months will let the baby know that nights are different to days. As soon as the baby drops off, lay the baby back in the crib and go back to sleep. If the baby is unsettled, it could be wind or the fact the baby just wants to suckle for comfort. It is fine to lay the baby down if she is still awake, she might whine for a little while before she settles, but you should never leave her if she is screaming or seems in distress.
Joining parents groups and going to mother and baby clubs (ask your health visitor for a list of local groups) will help you and your wife to meet other parents and share experiences. You will find thatother new parents are going through the same as you and your wife and this should help put things into perspective. Try not to worry too much about the housework. You may have to take on a few extra chores, like cooking dinner or doing some laundry until your wife is feeling a little more 'on top' of things, but just accept that these are part of being a dad.
Also try to arrange a baby sitter a couple times a month, someone you trust, like your mums. Take your wife out for a meal or drink in the pub or go see a movie, anything which gives you both a break from the baby. If your wife is breastfeeding, she could either feed the baby before she goes out, or could express some milk off for someone else to give to the baby.
If your wife is someone who likes to do everything, it may be that she is just feeling the massive weight of responsibility that having a baby brings. It can happen, that the mother becomes so involved with the baby, that she physically thinks that nobody else will do as good a job as her and she pushes away or blocks out all other help. Try talking to your wife about her feelings,or get someone she trusts to ask her how she feels. If you feel your wife is becoming very intense, over attentive to the point of obsession to the baby or suddenly loses total interest in the baby, it could indicate post natal depression. If this happens, speak to your GP or health visitor.
I just want to say at this point that I work in this field and also I had problems when my own children were new born. I hope this has been of some help to you and please contact me if you need any more help.
Good Luck
Aunty Em x
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2007):
Having children is a life changing event and even though it can be a very happy time, nobody can tell you beforehand just what it will be like when the baby arrives and how it will affect you and your partner...its a very tiring and trying time for you both.
As someone is coming to see you 3 or 4 times a week, I am guessing you have help from Homestart or surestart which is good and you need to maintain those contacts for future support.
Two months is a little early to be trying to get the baby to sleep at night. Some children dont sleep all night until they are a year to 18 months old and sometimes beyond this.
Its important to keep some structure to the day but getting into a strict routine is often impossible at such an early time. It builds unrealistic expectations of yourselves as parents and can make you feel like failures if you dont meet those expected goals. Try to accept that things will be unsettled for quite some time. Encourage your wife to get into the habit of sleeping when the baby sleeps, even if its for a few hours in the day. This will help top up her energy supplies and help her to cope more when the baby is wakeful at night.
You do not say how you are feeding the baby, but if your wife is breastfeeding, she needs to have the baby close to her at night (in a crib beside the bed is fine) so that she can just lift the baby to feed her without getting out of bed. Try to keep night feeds (even bottle feeds) very calm and quiet at night, keep lights low and noise to a minimum. This, over the months will let the baby know that nights are different to days. As soon as the baby drops off, lay the baby back in the crib and go back to sleep. If the baby is unsettled, it could be wind or the fact the baby just wants to suckle for comfort. It is fine to lay the baby down if she is still awake, she might whine for a little while before she settles, but you should never leave her if she is screaming or seems in distress.
Joining parents groups and going to mother and baby clubs (ask your health visitor for a list of local groups) will help you and your wife to meet other parents and share experiences. You will find thatother new parents are going through the same as you and your wife and this should help put things into perspective. Try not to worry too much about the housework. You may have to take on a few extra chores, like cooking dinner or doing some laundry until your wife is feeling a little more 'on top' of things, but just accept that these are part of being a dad.
Also try to arrange a baby sitter a couple times a month, someone you trust, like your mums. Take your wife out for a meal or drink in the pub or go see a movie, anything which gives you both a break from the baby. If your wife is breastfeeding, she could either feed the baby before she goes out, or could express some milk off for someone else to give to the baby.
If your wife is someone who likes to do everything, it may be that she is just feeling the massive weight of responsibility that having a baby brings. It can happen, that the mother becomes so involved with the baby, that she physically thinks that nobody else will do as good a job as her and she pushes away or blocks out all other help. Try talking to your wife about her feelings,or get someone she trusts to ask her how she feels. If you feel your wife is becoming very intense, over attentive to the point of obsession to the baby or suddenly loses total interest in the baby, it could indicate post natal depression. If this happens, speak to your GP or health visitor.
I just want to say at this point that I work in this field and also I had problems when my own children were new born. I hope this has been of some help to you and please contact me if you need any more help.
Good Luck
Aunty Em x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): Hi love,
What a wonderfull husband you are, Babys are all different darling some get hungry every 4hrs some like my little one used to feed every 2hrs... They also get thirsty some people dont believe that babys need water as well as milk but i always gave mine water in between it just settled them and not all believe in soothers but im a firm believer that baby needs to be comforted....If your wife is anything like me she cant sleep even when your little girl is sleeping as she is waiting for her to wake... As soon as you get her off to sleep grab the time you can get and give your wife a massage this will relax her and just do what you are doing being a loving husband and lovely father... congratulations TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXX
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