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male
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anonymous
writes: i have tried to do a web search on the net for advice on relationships i cant find any so i thought maybe real people can help me. I am a gay male whose partner had a one night stand last saturday he told me he woke up the following morning with a man in his bed with no memory of the night before, the thing is i forgave him and told him it was ok and that it doesn't change a thing on how i feel for him, however he is avoiding me and said he needs time, and im giving him that time but im a type of person who thinks talking about things helps but he is unwilling to. I have tried my best to erasure him that its ok he was drunk and couldn't help it, but he seems to be punishing him self and im lost on how to stop him from making it worst for him self. I told him i love him and i will wait for him but im worried that his guilt will over come him and i will lose him. I have talked to friends and family about it for advice all i get is that they couldn't forgive him if they were me. But it i was a mistake and i accept that and some times sex it sex with no strings and it wasn't ment happen to just he had to much to drink. Is there any more i can do to help him or is giving him time the best option?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Yesterday I found out that my partner had a one night stand. It has hurt me greatly but I also, like you, have tried to forgive. I thought that nothing would come between us but this has. I want to believe that it was only one night but he has been working in this particular town for several months so may have met up with her several times. I never thought he would do this to me as we have only been together 18 months. He reassures me it was only once but who knows? I think the only advice I can give is go with your gut instinct - if you want to make it work, try your hardest - otherwise let the relationship go. You cannot carry the guilt - it is not your guilt. I want to make my relationship work so am willing to forgive but have said that if he does it again I will leave him and he knows I mean it. Good luck. x
A
male
reader, Millzie +, writes (13 July 2006):
Thank you to the ppl that gave me some advice on my situation, but its been 12days since it all happen and its been 7 days since he said he needed to time, but i think personal hes had more time than he's needed, because i forgave him for what happend and that should of been the end of it but no, i can be bothered to waste any more time waiting fo to get back to me, im now ready to move on.Becuase if he did love me he wouldnt have pushed me away like he has done, so now im going to moving in hope to find a love etc one day. Thank you again. Millzie
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2006): Dr Pete thank you for you in put but, jst want to clear up somthing, there isnt more to this one stand, he went out for the last time where he was becus he was and has moved from another country to be with me and he dosnt normal drink but as it was his last night there i dont blame him. as for me bing insecure that isnt the case im secure enuf to av for giving him and secure enuf to know i can live with out him if it came to it. Any way thank you for your help i will take it on board.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006): I think there is more to this one night stand than he has let on. If he has said that he has no memory, whatsoever, of the night before, I would go as far to say that he is lying.
His behaviour of being distant towards you is not a sign of him wanting to work on this relationship, I suspect there is far more going on in his head than he is letting on or you are ready to accept.
Also you should find the reason he gave for his infidelity insulting. If that reason is true, it means he is very likely to make the same mistake again - unless he is planning on never getting so drunk again?
I'm making a huge assumption here but I am guessing you need him too much, that you are insecure and afraid of being without him. That is no reason to stay commited to someone who has hurt you in one of the most painful ways possible.
To answer your last question, I think you should give him time and see what happens, but at the same time, ask yourself how much deception and abuse of trust you are willing to take until you stop forgiving him - will you ever?
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reader, sexylinz  +, writes (6 July 2006):
 i think ur crazy too!
but im not here to criticise im here to help you. i honestly beleive that if u really forgive him n at the end of the day still want to be with him then you have to give him this time alone that he needs.
if u push and pressurise him he will feel smothered n that will push him further away.
let him come to you to talk when he is ready.
im not saying stop contacing him all together...fine txt him or ring him to see how he is just try and avoid the subject of the one night stand but also explain to him that you are there for him when he is ready to talk.
that should do the trick.
good luck hun
xx
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