| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband is very clingy and would like to spend all of his time around me. I'm okay with that some of the time, but i also need time with my friends and family. He always wanted to get married, and i think he believed that being married would give him an identity. I find this difficult at times. I wish he had some hobbies or friends of his own, but he seems to have little interest in anything but sports on tv. He would like to have friends, but doesn't want to make an effort to go out there and forge some friendships. I have tried to talk to him about this, but he finds excuses not to try things, eg. i work nights so i can't commit to playing team sports, or i don't have enough money to join a gym etc.I'm afraid that if he keeps this up, i'll just want to run away at some point to escape the pressure. What can i do to help him get a life that includes me, but isn't based around me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Do you have to work nights? Wouldn't a day job be better? Does he work? What does he do? Maybe if you got a day job and you two could start and do things together on a night. Join some clubs and he may meet some friends then. Don't push him out of your life because he is the way he is. Wasn't he like this when you met. You must of known what he was like when you met. He craves your company and attention, what is wrong with that? Some women would love a bloke like that. I know you must feel stifled some time but you also mustn't take it out on him. Change your work pattern and be together.
Take care
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): Perhaps the problem isn't so much that your husband does not have a life outside of your marriage as it is in your varying work schedules, you may be tired at night and during the morning hours and then you are home when he is anxious to see you as you have either been at work or sleeping when he is home off work, therefore when you have any free time he is in it.
A lot of men don't have enough hobbies, but maybe he just doesn't have enough hours in the day available to see you, so it leaves little time for him to spend with others...
Maybe you could make friends with some other couples, go out as a group and maybe he will forge a friendship with the male counterpart of these couples and will start calling them up to do some guy things....as far as hobbies and interests go, maybe you could find one you could share together,
You may also be an introvert (I am) and after working at night you come home and need some alone time, but since it has been the entire day without you, he wants company....try to let him know not to jump all over you with attention for the first 30 minutes after you are home and go take a bath or read or watch a favorite show to get some alone time so you can recharge a bit and then you will feel more like having his company....being an introvert means that you need a certain amount of time alone without human contact to recharge your energies, when we introverts are around people we find it draining, doesn't mean we don't like people or are shy, we just find them tiring as we have a rich inner life that we can't share with others all of the time, and when we are required to perform or be outside of our inner thoughts it wears us out, we are usually highly intelligent and find those less so a bit draining and even annoying.
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