A
female
age
30-35,
*ubblewrapmyheart
writes:I'm extremely worried about my best friend and her new "boyfriend." This may get complicated without names so for confusion sake's, my best friend will be A. Her ex will be D and her current boyfriend will be L. I have been best friends with her for 15 years and she has never been interested in boys. She still claims she's never going to get married or have children, but during uni she met D and they were together for two years. This guy was a complete commitment-phobe and from what I've gathered, he completely panicked and pushed her away. Heartbroken, she found solace in a mutual guy friend between them, L. This guy within days of her split confessed his love to her and pressured her to make the decision to be with him or not. She reluctantly agreed, despite having no idea where her head was with D. I kept advising her to give herself a good month or two boy free to really get over her ex and figure out what she actually wants. She agreed in the end to try it my way, but upon breaking things off with L he started threatening suicide. A is such a kind, generous person who so rarely thinks of herself, she immediately panicked and started telling me she couldn't break up with him. I called his bluff straight away, I reassured her that if L really loved her the way he said he did, he'd want her to be happy and if that meant them breaking up, then so be it. Thankfully she stuck to her guns and broke up with L. Surprise, surprise, he didn't commit suicide. She told him how he had been emotionally black mailing her and how she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. She found out from more mutual friends that he had been helping D through the break up and had advised him to go out and sleep with other girls to get over A. L was then reporting back to A that D clearly didn't care about her anymore because he had obviously moved on.After a week or two of A not speaking to L again, she started trying to work things out with D. As soon as L got wind of this, he got hold of A's MOTHER'S number and started texting her about how much he loved her daughter and needed to be with her. I'm not so sure what happened between A and D getting back together and L texting A's mother, but all of a sudden, A was talking to L again and was swearing he had changed.She has bounced between D and L for a few weeks, but now me and our other best friend are extremely worried about her. Neither of us like L, he has given us really bad gut feelings since the start. He's constantly demanding her attention, calling her for hours on end when she's with us and if she tells him she's busy he all of a sudden is in a really dark place and needs her help. She is glued to her phone, texting him every moment she can. She even felt the need to apologise to him for sleeping with D. I need to make her realise that this is text book beginnings of domestic abuse, but she only ever seems to see the best in people and eventually, as we're not on his side, L is only going to turn her against me and our other best friend. I need to make her see his true colours before I lose her!! Please help in any way you can.Thank you.
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female
reader, ova-valentine  +, writes (24 January 2016):
 It's kind of you to be concerned about this. It is VERY ABNORMAL for a bf to be texting his ex's MOTHER and threatening to commit SUICIDE. I agree with Honeypie. TOXIC TOXIC TOXIC!
Tell A about how you feel. Explain to her that he is a potentially dangerous person. Make sure to include examples of your perspective, how he calls her for way too long and how he suddenly really needs her help when she tells him she's busy.
Best of luck,
Ova
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 December 2015):
 I don't know if he is "text book abuser" but he is "text book nutter"!
You many not be able out "make" her see sense, but I'd say, sit her down and tell her that it isn't normal for a someone you have BARELY dated to text HER mother and involve the mother in this. It's not normal to threaten suicide or go to "dark places" when she is busy. It's also not the signs of a loving person to create all this drama like he is with her ex. And I wouldn't be surprised if... at some point he will tell her to stop begin around you as well. He is toxic, from what you write.
Now of course the story has several version and maybe you ARE vilifying him because you don't like him and don't trust his motivations.
If she doesn't want to listen to you, you are going to HAVE to let her make her own mistakes. And dating him, might be one such mistake.
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