A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for a few months but have known each other for years, he works a job making pay that isnt that great and his hours have been cut... he's been looking for another job but "says there's nothing he likes" i pay for everything it seems but he cooks for me and buys me things when he can so i know he loves me.... he's 24 and lives at home so I think a better job would boost his confidence. Every time I bring it up we get into an argument so how do I go about trying to help him get a decent job?
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (7 January 2010):
 honestly he sounds like a bum people dont work because they like it they do it to make money theres jobs people choose because its better then others but hell i dont care what job you have if you win the lottery you will quit, buy a yacht and sail the Caribbean.
He needs to get a job hes 24 if he doesnt have anay medical issues broken leg pyralyzation covered in a rash theres no excuse. Pick something he can go to school and move up from there but hes not n a position to be picky, stop paying everything for him.
I wont even knock him for living at home it makes economical sense and if he can put up with his parents then thats really not a big issue but saying he cant find a job he likes is a copout.
Do you really thing garbage men like being garbage men no but the pay is great and so are the benefits. LOL if i had a gf taking care of me i wouldnt want a job either, do oyu have a sister (older)
A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 Dear Friend,I read ur letter carefully to understand ur situation. If I am correct ur b/f lives with his parents *at home* You did say he was working so I tend to discredit that he is lazy. In this time many jobs have been cut or worst yet ppl have been let go. Also take into consideration his age. Meaning he is young and still has time on his side. Reading u I understand u want the best for him *future* regarding his employment. I can understand this. Tho I will suggest to u that in this time ur b/f might also be feeling a bit depressed, stressed, and insecure over this job issue. I do have a couple of suggestions with both u and him in mind. If you have the time u can go through the paper and circle jobs u think he might be qualified for, and this is inprotant. You must have knowledge of this. What necessary skills, attributes ect, which would enable him to apply for certain jobs. You could look for a similar possition that he has now that r hiring but with more hours. After u do this on his day off would be the best as u have time together to disguss it and not be rushed. You might show him the paper and not say too much as to not make feel he is nagged, not saying u r but *men* he might take it that way. He may also be thinking that he is a dissapointment to u, so maybe try to make him feel secure regarding this also. Spend little time on the subject as u can also. Please keep this in mind that he at this time maybe feeling a bit down do the fact that that u said ur paying for things. I can tell that u love him and r trying to support him in anyway ur can. I am sure you have let him know this also. As far as him getting a decent job. You might also suggest that now since he has a bit of time do to the cut hours, he might look into some type of education towards a better job. I realize this may cost money but if he can borrow from his parents, try to get loan, or maybe even a grant it will be money will worth it in the long run. Only if this is something he may want to take on himself. I am sorry friend I can not give anymore suggestions but I think u have done what u could as far as being there for him witch is much needed for him now. I hope things will work out for the both of you. Try to remember that maybe at this time he is not feeling so great about himself and maybe thinking he is unable to even support u if you were together as a family. It is hard on the person who is dealing with job cuts, layoffs also as well as their family. It is a sort of pressure that comes along with it. Take care and good luck......salvadda
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 January 2010):
Don't make the mistake of trying to change who he is. You need to understand that a man's job truly is his identity. The last thing you want is to force him into a job where he feels uncomfortable, ends up depressed, then wants to leave you or even blames you. Instead, look at how he can further himself in his own career, don't always pay for things and make him pay half and see how it goes. Believe me though, if you try to change him, he will really resent it and blame you for everything and anything that goes wrong.
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