A
female
age
36-40,
*ot Issues
writes:I met a man a couple of months ago and he is great. Things were going really well until he found out that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant. They were together for a long time and she was apparently on the pill. He's not sure it's his (she has been with others since they split), but she is adamant that it is. It came as a massive shock and he is broken up about it. I know that if it is his, he will do his best to be involved in the child's life. Everything is very unclear at the moment because of this. I don't know whether we're together or not, but it's made me realise that I want to be with him. I don't want to lose him because we could have something really good, though I understand that now is probably not a good time to ask anything major from him but I want to keep up the communication in any case, so that if and when he is ready in the future, maybe we can get back on track. What can I do to help and support him? We don't live in the same city so I can't see him and he's going through this alone. I feel like I'm rubbish at this kind of thing and don't know what to say to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): If you talk to him about it, just make sure he gets the paternity test done as soon as possbile after the child is born. Until that point his head will be a mess and you are right not to get involved at this point but to be a supportive friend from a distance - if you can bear it.
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