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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend is incredibly insecure and puts herself down a lot. She thinks I'm better than her and that she is lucky too get someone like me. She is so desperate too keep me and constantly says things like 'if u ever finished with me i'd feel used and abused' and 'i'd get my mum too convince you too take me back if you left me' etc. I am fearing that she had sex with me just too lay down the mark and 'keep me' ... She is trying too make me feel trapped because we have had sex your with that person for life i think she believes and is using her mum as a counciller etc.Not only that but she hates it when I look at pictures of other girls in magazines even when im browsing the pages. She gets up and jokily says 'im not talking too you :P' but i can tell she is a bit p**sed off. She also whinges a lot about her appearance and about her hair and when shes incredibly insecure she looks at me funny.She also has too hold my hand in front of my parents and in the car and fiddle with my fingers and down below in the cinemas especially. Its okay alone but in front of people and in public I get a bit embarassed and a bit annoyed and want her too stop.Shes a lovely cute beautiful little girl and i love her and I am attracted too her loadz i just dont get it.I was just wandering if there was anyway I could help her get over her insecurity and make her feel more comftable. Overall i feel that I am the most comftable but her insecurity needs helping...HelpThanks :D
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): i am sorta in ur g/f position, i feel very insecure, i hate everything about myself but i dont windge about it, i only tell him when he askes. i never use to hate myself as much as i did until i got a bf, he says thing like im so hott, or pretty,beautifil etc but the thing is how can i beleve him when he says these things to me yet he keeps porno mag's, pins ups of half naked supermodels in our home,hidden porn movies and pc pictures, he flirts with every female he makes friends with including my own friends who no longer visit me bc of him, comments he makes about how attractive other females r when we are out and about together. dont do any of the above i have just mentioned and she will be fine, i you already have done stuff like that already... well she will never get over it, if you dont do that sorta thing & never have and she is still like she is then its her issue not yours. sometimes people dont think about what they say or do and the effects it has on there partners, not saying thats whats going on in ur relationship but its just something to keep in mind.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. I do in fact compliment her a lot tell her she looks pretty and her hair is amazing, tell her she has the cutest eyes ever *drools*. I think she is getting better but i wish i could give her that reasurrance that she doesn't have too hold onto me all the time, because she is mine. etc.
I think in the past people have critisised her about how she looked years ago, if you saw me years ago i look nothing like i do now. Its the same with my girl, people get better and with ehr a lot lot better but i think that what people have said in the past haunt her still.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 It's sad when people feel they're not good enough to be happy. She obviously has some experience in her past that has made her feel this way and she needs to address this before she can have a successful, secure and happy relationship. Maybe try talking to her properly about her past and about anyone who has made her feel worthless and ugly.
If this doesn't work, try and get her to speak to a professional. They will try and get to the bottom of the problem and hopefully, over time, start to build her confidence back up and make her a lot happier within herself.
If she doesn't want to help herself, there's really nothing you can do. Carry on telling her she's beautiful and tell her firmly to stop the things you're uncomfortable with. Try not to make her any worse by making it obvious you're looking at other girls: even the most secure of us hate that!
I hope you can work this out, you obviously really care about her to have stuck around through these problems. I hope she gets some help or at least talks to you and maybe gives you some answers. If this going to work out, things obviously need to change so make that happen.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, immuno +, writes (3 August 2006):
 This poor little girl needs a confidence boost. I think you should make an appointment at a photog place to have your pix taken together. Have some apart as well. Let her know you like looking at her and you want to always be able to look at her just the way that you see her now. Maybe point out the things in the photograph that you find most physically attractive but don't forget to point out its the things you see with your heart that matter most.
I hope you work it out :)
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