A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a slightly long post but I appreciate your advise and support.I am a 40 year old woman who's separated from an alcoholic man. I have no children. I am on the verge of filing for divorce though he wants to be with me. But I don't think I can . My memories are too painful and I was lonely for 7 years. I need to go on. My mum is in her 60s and she would be happy to live with me. My dad passed away many years ago. My mum and I are close but I don't know how to go on in life. I would like to have a decent relationship. I see so many couples and I have never felt that support or love. I would like to feel it but I also feel responsibility to look after my mum. My mum has her own house in asia but nowhere to stay in the UK. I am 40, childless and all I have is a job. How do I go forward? I worry about hurting my mum if I find a partner. I feel she expects me to look after her but at the same time, I want to feel loved and appreciated. Be a good partner to a deserving man who I may or may not find. If mum stays with me, I worry that I will always be divorced and never meet someone else. My entire life has been spent on wasted relationships. What do I do? Please help me.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 July 2015):
 If this is the case then you just have to have your mum live with you and yet continue dating and look for a guy who would be accepting of the fact that your mum is an inseparable part of your life and needs looking after.
OP after a certain age, parents and grandparents do start behaving like children...they whine, nag, repeat the same thing over and over again and want utmost care and attention. That's true of almost all old people. Think of your mom like your child who needs looking after. Also, I'm sure your mum wouldn't want you to be single for long...like all mothers, she too would want you to settle down and have your own family.
Why worry so much? You can look after your mum AND have a successful relationship. My grandparents stayed with my parents all their lives and my parents took care of them in every way possible. My mom, despite being the daughter-in-law, had a full-time career, raised two children, managed a family, took care of my father and was the doctor/financial manager/driver/chef all rolled into one! She did all of it very successfully, cheerfully and in a manner which was exemplary.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you but my mum doesn't want to live in Asia. She wants to live in the UK with me and I can't afford another home here. She talks about how we struggled together after my dad's death and wants to live here as this is where I live. I just don't know how to do that with my desire for a proper partner as well. I don't feel young at 40. I feel the weight of the world ony shoulders. Thank you for your help.
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