A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Before I bore you with my story, I just want to throw the question out there - How can I go about living my life without romance and yet, not feel lonely?!It all started a year ago when I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I felt we weren't right for each other so I broke it off, we actually remained friends afterwards - not close ones, but none-the-less, we could have a conversation. The months after were fine, I missed him a little, but not enough to fool me into getting back with him. I thought I was fine with the single life after that, until all my friends around me all of a sudden started finding romance. I honestly think its because of all the pheromones around me, but I started feeling sickenly lonely. I suddenly longed for someone to hold me at night or day dreamed about someone whom I can call and talk to whenever I want to. This unhealthy desire lead me to several crushes that I knew would not work out, and every time just crashing and burning.I know quite well that if I aggressively try to look for love, I'm most likely not going to find it. I really just want to chill out and not think about romance, but also try to manage not to constantly want someone to hold my hand when I walk around campus. Believe me, I'm not a couch potatoe, in fact, I'm usually so busy that I hardly see my housemates. I have friends whom I can talk to and hang out with, but it's simply weird how I feel like I'm the only one in the room even when the room is filled.If any of you has had that feeling before, please give me some hope that I can step out of this phase, tell me your story! Whether you found someone or even something that made you forget this feeling. Even if I don't find romance, it's okay, I just need to know that one of these days, I can smile and be alright with not having someone for my own.Thanks for reading. :]
View related questions:
broke up, crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question:] thanks guys, I really appreciate the advice. I'll just have to stop paying so much attention on NOW, everything will fall into place. Oh and btw, Peter Pan, I was actually REALLY REALLY happy for my friends who found love, I wasn't actually sad that they don't have more time for friends, but it's more like, they're so happy, I kind of want to feel how they feel too!
A
female
reader, Aunt Letty  +, writes (31 May 2008):
Have you ever listened to people talking about their relationships? They all moan about them! I managed to get through many years of being single by laughing at the suckers in relationships. Be happy, be confident, love life and people will want to be around you. I worked alongside my current BF for 2 years before he asked me out for a drink one day, it just didn't occur to him to ask me out until he saw me laughing one day. So focus on your work, hang out with friends, treat yourself to gifts once in a while and make eye contact and smile at everyone you meet.
...............................
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Wow... you hit on a big one here. But, I do understand your issue. I'm kind of in the same boat myself. How am I dealing with it? I'm not sure I have the magic answer... but I will say that I rely on my friends (in a relationship or not) to give me that companionship that is lacking from a full-time relationship of my own. Sure, it's hard to hear about your friends going out and having fun with their "significant others", but at the same time, I feel happy that they've found somebody special for themselves and are living. Sometimes, they invite me to tag along and I feel like the fifth wheel... but I try to find the things that entertain myself and take every contact as an opportunity for happiness (who knows -- the bartender may be good friends with at cute girl at the end of the bar). Like I said, I depend on my friends to help fill that void, but ultimately it's up to me to fill myself with joy and not get too dragged down by the solitude.
The other thing I'd say is that keep the faith that there is somebody out there waiting to step on your foot when you walk out of the student center or accidently spill your morning coffee from Starbucks. I guess the thing to do there is just be receptive to all those around you. A room filled with people is a room filled with opportunities!! There might be a gem in the crowd that you never noticed before. Above all, remember that going back to old relationships is dangerous. Even though it might be tempting to return to the ex-BF, don't. That's only serving to keep you anchored in the past and unreceptive to the grand future in front of you!!
Best wishes... hang in there... keep the faith... we're all supposed to find that one person that "completes" us... just enjoy the journey and don't focus so much on "end goal", you know? :)
...............................
|
