A
male
age
36-40,
*loudtrain
writes:I'm a rather shy guy, and not very good at standing up for myself, so it was really hard to try and break up with my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I had been long distance for well over a year, but things haven't been going so well. I decided that my feelings for her were waning and started to worry a lot about never being able to live in the same place with her again, and that it was time to break up with her.Last month, I attended a conference in the city where she lives. We met up in a park, and told her I wanted to break up. She broke down, we talked for a few hours, and she somehow convinced me that we shouldn't break up yet. I went home, and we've been sending long emails back and forth since then. She decided that she was coming to visit me this weekend. I really don't want her to come, but I can't convince her otherwise. She's coming late tonight and expects me to meet her at the train station to pick her up.I've never felt this way, but I feel like she's controlling me. I don't want this unsatisfying long-distance relationship anymore, but she is too afraid of losing me. She seems to be satisfied being in a relationship with me, even if I don't want to.How can I stand my ground to convince her that I want to stay broken up?Additionally, her birthday is tomorrow and she expects me to plan something fun with her. I don't even have a card or a gift. Should I do something for her birthday?
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female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (15 October 2010):
 You both deserve the right to be happy in a relationship, so if the person you're with currently isn't helping you meet that need, you need to move on. You don't want to be miserable for more time than you already have. However, I would say to postpone breaking up with her on her birthday. You cared for her at one point, so don't hurt her on a special day such as her birthday. Yes, buy a card; if she has been sensing the rift between you two, I don't think she'll be expecting much for her birthday, so just be a nice guy and go to the park or something minor like that (so as not to give her false hope like Ampersand said). You can talk about your relationship after the bday, or whatever she chooses , and hopefully reach a conclusion. You have to take control of how your life goes, so this is something you NEED to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my bf. I guess if this happen to me, what will come to my mind is that why did my bf give me hope but destroy it totally again on my birthday, I think she'll be thinking more or less the same thing.Actually why did you decide not to break up with her if you know that there's no way back? Do you know that by doing this, you're giving her false hope that you want to work on the relationship? I think you are the one who is controlling her, you give her hope and is going to destroy it on her birthday, think of the hurt she'll be going through! I guess she can actually be as unsatisfying as you do, but she's willing to work on it and choose to be happy with things, while you don't want to make any effort. And please appreciate the fact that "she's too afraid of losing you", she treasure you even though you cannot be physically be with her and she still have faith in the relationship even though you guys may not see any future to be physically together for now.I think you will hurt her anyway if you break up with her, so break it off as soon as possible and don't give her anymore false hope. Do it as nicely as possible, especially tomorrow is her birthday and you don't want her to remember this painful event every year during her big day. Maybe you can give her a card and write down your feeling in it, don't write anything that suggest you're blaming her, try to write something like you understand her and appreciate her effort, but things don't work.Please if you decided that you don't want to work on this relationship anymore, don't torture her anymore, you'll just eventually hurt her even more.
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A
female
reader, alisha7866  +, writes (15 October 2010):
aww wow your in a very difficult situation but you need to talk to her and stand your ground and to that you need to let her visit and sure pick her up because you dont want to end on bad terms regardless of the situation. face to face break up is the best possible way its shows respect and that once you said it you need to tell her that your sorry and what ever your reasons are you wont change you mind and tell her she will be ok and she'l realise its for her own good it might be hard to do face to face but its also more convincing use body language like dont sit to close look her in the eye so she nows your serious but do it with love she clearly loves you and you dont want to crush her heart. you should atleast get her a card and say sorry and happy birthday. dont do it in a way that she'l resent you do it so she cant really argue with you try being a bit more serious and dont let her speak until you finish. Hope it goes well women dont take break up to well so good luck
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